06 October 2016
Is Married Life Without Kids Fulfilling?
Someone asked me recently if married life without children could, indeed, be fulfilling.
She was anticipating that she might be in our shoes soon and wondered what it was really like.
Well, I can say YES, we feel fortunate to say that our lives have been extremely fulfilling. I don't take that for granted for a minute, though. I had always dreamed of feeling this someday - and it's a dream come true to have felt it.
So where has this fulfillment come from?
Well, the two of us tapped into a passion to bring hope to others and that moves us, motivates us, and keeps us going each day.
I think it's important to feel a passion for something! Otherwise, I can see that life might begin to feel unfulfilling, no matter what your situation.
Before I started the blog, I remember once sitting at a desk job that was not meaningful to me - and at the same time it was becoming clear that my efforts to have children were not looking promising - and I began to really question the meaning of my life. Like, who would care when I died? Would I just disappear? I would have no one to leave my legacy with. In a way, this desire felt almost like an innate instinct - this desire to somehow leave a mark or leave the world a better place. I also had truths in me that I had learned from my life experiences. They were a gift. And I always felt they were meant to be shared as it was such a miracle to me to receive them. If I didn't share them, they would one day be gone. And yet, there I was sitting at that desk job. And the vastness of the unknown years ahead of me put the fear in me. I didn't yet know how I was going to do it. I didn't know how I was going to be able to live a meaningful life. So I would sit in my living room with Danny and brainstorm what that life might look like.
And then one day, I got pneumonia.
I didn't think I was going to die or anything, but I was so physically weak that I saw the end of my life. I felt the grace of every breathing day that I had. And I felt an urgency to share my truths; the best of what I had been blessed with in this life. And so, I began writing my first blog posts. I could barely keep my head up. But my thoughts were like a faucet and the ideas kept coming, so I kept writing.
And that was the beginning of my blog.
That was the beginning of my meaningful work.
What I can recommend to you is this:
Believe that you can have a fulfilling life if you don't have children OR if you do. Rest easy. And believe with all your heart that the way will become clear. Believe that you WILL tap into a passion (or several). Allow some space and time for that to unfold. Don't doubt it. It is in you. Trust this! And believe that you'll have the creativity and energy to fuel this work, whatever it is. The work itself will fuel you.
And also, as you think of this fulfilling life unfolding, consider if you feel more full of light or more full of a heavy, fearful, doubtful weight. Because light is what will shine on our foot path and make our future feel bright and possible. Fear and doubt will sabotage the unveiling of our life's work. Because we might have mud on our windshield and we can't see beyond what is right in front of us. We might be in survival mode. We might feel like victims to our current situation. We might have voices in our head that say we're not good enough. We might not trust that a path will open up. And all of that weighs us down completely and drains our energy.
So, regularly clear out any fearful, untrusting, doubtful energy as it arises. Do this every day. I do it through music, meditation, yoga, walking, and most importantly: re-writing my beliefs. I rewrite that script in my head until those old beliefs are pushed out. And this helps me to feel full of light and hope again for my future.
I hope I can feel this for the rest of my days.
I'll be doing my best.
(Photos from our visit to Utah. We saw some moose while on a hike! And we got to experience the glorious beginning of Fall!)
P.S. Love Mentoring will be on hold until Oct. 19! We'll be at our beloved Body+Soul Camp next week and will be going on a little adventure after that to Cotopaxi National Park. We love you! And we look forward to chatting with any of you who are looking to transform your life.