Perhaps you begin to not feel comfortable in your own skin; perhaps your personality and openness goes into hiding; perhaps you feel unlovable and not good enough. <breathe, breathe> And you may even be acting less lovable and irresistible than you really are. UGH.
Well, I have been there with you, my friends. In fact, I choked for a bit the very first weekend I met Danny. It turns out that the best-ever-version-of-Mara was there when I wrote Danny hundreds of emails and literally declared my love for him before we met; it was there when I first laid eyes on him on the corner of 42nd & 8th Ave. when he came to meet me; it was there when we went for sushi that night at Tao on 57th St. and had the entire restaurant watching us because we were just GLOWING UP THE JOINT (haha); and it was even there while we sat on my couch in Brooklyn and our souls communed and shared and we stared in awe at each other nearly all night long.
But then…I choked. Some fear showed up.
I think it’s because at that point, it felt like there was more at risk than I ever could have imagined. I was completely in love with Danny from head to toe – oh my goodness, so, so much. It seemed as though no one on earth could fit me as well as Danny. And, I let some fear get into me that he wouldn’t want me.
Would I be good enough?
Was my whole person – in person – worthy of this kind of love?
The answer is yes!! It’s always yes. It’s yes for every single one of us.
We are ALL worthy of the most amazing love. We are ALL beautiful, lovable souls.
This doesn’t mean that every partner will love us back or see the good in us. But, in order for our most lovable soul to shine, we. must. get. rid. of. the. fear! If we don’t, the fear will literally kill connection and vulnerability. We all know this. Vulnerability will be gone dead. And the harsh reality: we won’t get the relationship connection we desire, anyway.
So how do you get rid of the fear??
We HAVE to be okay with a relationship not working out. We have to make peace with that. We have to envision our life without this person and know that all will still be well – with or without them! And that we are always, always worthy of love, no matter what! There is simply no other way to get rid of the fear.
You must take your relationship off of the pedestal. (And this includes a marriage.) Your life must center around a higher purpose, not the status of the relationship or the treatment or behavior of your partner. Your higher purpose is LOVE. It is PEACE. It is SELF-WORTH. It is practicing again and again and again your ability to react to your life WITH LOVE. When this is your higher purpose, you can put your energy and focus on this instead of worrying about whether or not you are lovable.
I love you all! Every single one!
P.S. If you like this idea and need more help with putting this into practice (with tons of examples, way more explanation, stories, tools and support) – well, you know where to find us. This is one of our favorite things to teach at the retreats and in our mentoring sessions. We want to help you all be the best you can be!!