25 August 2016

When You Meet Someone Amazing - And Then You Choke!

Have any of you met someone unbelievable, like truly your DREAM guy or girl, and then you just absolutely choke? 

Perhaps you begin to not feel comfortable in your own skin; perhaps your personality and openness goes into hiding; perhaps you feel unlovable and not good enough. <breathe, breathe> And you may even be acting less lovable and irresistible than you really are. UGH.

Well, I have been there with you, my friends. In fact, I choked for a bit the very first weekend I met Danny. It turns out that the best-ever-version-of-Mara was there when I wrote Danny hundreds of emails and literally declared my love for him before we met; it was there when I first laid eyes on him on the corner of 42nd & 8th Ave. when he came to meet me; it was there when we went for sushi that night at Tao on 57th St. and had the entire restaurant watching us because we were just GLOWING UP THE JOINT (haha); and it was even there while we sat on my couch in Brooklyn and our souls communed and shared and we stared in awe at each other nearly all night long.

But then...I choked. Some fear showed up. 

I think it's because at that point, it felt like there was more at risk than I ever could have imagined. I was completely in love with Danny from head to toe - oh my goodness, so, so much. It seemed as though no one on earth could fit me as well as Danny. And, I let some fear get into me that he wouldn't want me.

Would I be good enough?

Was my whole person - in person - worthy of this kind of love?

The answer is yes!! It's always yes. It's yes for every single one of us.
We are ALL worthy of the most amazing love. We are ALL beautiful, lovable souls.

This doesn't mean that every partner will love us back or see the good in us. But, in order for our most lovable soul to shine, we. must. get. rid. of. the. fear! If we don't, the fear will literally kill connection and vulnerability. We all know this. Vulnerability will be gone dead. And the harsh reality: we won't get the relationship connection we desire, anyway.

So how do you get rid of the fear??


We HAVE to be okay with a relationship not working out. We have to make peace with that. We have to envision our life without this person and know that all will still be well - with or without them! And that we are always, always worthy of love, no matter what! There is simply no other way to get rid of the fear. 


You must take your relationship off of the pedestal. (And this includes a marriage.) Your life must center around a higher purpose, not the status of the relationship or the treatment or behavior of your partner. Your higher purpose is LOVE. It is PEACE. It is SELF-WORTH. It is practicing again and again and again your ability to react to your life WITH LOVE. When this is your higher purpose, you can put your energy and focus on this instead of worrying about whether or not you are lovable.

I love you all! Every single one!


P.S. If you like this idea and need more help with putting this into practice (with tons of examples, way more explanation, stories, tools and support) - well, you know where to find us. This is one of our favorite things to teach at the retreats and in our mentoring sessions. We want to help you all be the best you can be!!

Don't Miss:

1-Day Love Boot Camp, Sept. 17th in Salt Lake City, $395
7-Day Body+Soul Camp, Oct. 9-15 in Ecuador, $2,750
Love + Happiness Mentoring by Skype (or phone) - anytime, $150


  1. So, I am reading along and I see myself in this post hoping to have answer about how to just let it all go. To be loved completely and trust completely, to have the tools to do so, and I am left hanging. Now, I really want to come to SLC next month. Oh how I need to retrain myself to just trust that what is happening is true and right. To be able to let go and just love my husband without reservation. Most days, I feel like it is never going to happen...

    1. Ah, feeling for you Ruth. And do come to Salt Lake if you can!! We'd LOVE for you to hear all the classes we've got. XOXO

  2. There's the Mara we know and love. These are the kind of posts that hooked me to this blog.

    1. :) :) You know I'm smiling. thank you!

  3. This. Is. Awesome. Beautiful. And just spot on. I've missed your writing dear friend! It's so good to see you on this space again. This message is so so so powerful. Can't wait to spend a week focusing on it in October :-)

    1. XOXOX So glad you wrote in. You just might know where the inspiration for this post came from. :)

  4. You're back! So happy to be able to read all of your wonderful insights again. You are such a light to so many!

    1. Thank you so much! For reading and for commenting.

  5. Hi Mara,
    I am so glad you are blogging again. I have a question for you. I just went through a period of really working to heal some emotional wounds that needed to be healed in order to move forward. I did extensive therapy for trauma and am in a MUCH better place than I was before. I am going back to school to get my degree as a 30 year old woman and need help knowing how to live my life and spend my time! That may sound funny but I lived in such a dysfunctional way before and am now in a place where I don't have to live that way but don't know how to fill my time with more positive things. Does that make sense? Any advice?

    1. You are amazing! I want to give you a high five for doing all the healing and work. That is HUGE. You are challenging yourself and making choices that maybe you wouldn't have before - and I just want to celebrate that with you. Wow. Wow.

      Also - I'd say you are on an amazing path already and to keep pushing yourself to face your fears and keep going after your goals and dreams and passions. There is no limit to what you can do! Get really clear and envision the kind of life that you desire in detail- and then just begin putting it into motion step by step. So whether it's related to career, relationship, security, home, friendships, education, health...just make a plan and start working on it and putting yourself out there as needed. And...BELIEVE that you are worthy of it!!! BELIEVE that you are worthy of your dream life!! It may take time for more things to begin to take shape and unfold, but plan on it happening.

      Also, a few simple but great ideas for how to spend your time:
      -Read, read, read
      -Figure out a way to move and sweat once a day
      -Get to know your neighbors and make some new friends
      -Join a local group of some kind that does something you're interested in (like a book club, volunteer group, church, running group, yoga class, etc.)
      -Join in some act of service - join a cause of some kind, something that you care about and want to see improve in the world.
      -Invite people to your home for dinner, movies, discussion nights, dessert night, girls night, birthdays
      -Travel and explore as much as you can - even if it must be within your state, by car or bus.
      -Spend time in nature - hiking, camping, canoeing.

      While you're in school: study outside of your home as much as you can, just to keep things fresh and keep you in touch with people and community. So, meet a friend at the library, study under some trees on campus, go to a coffee shop and start a new studying ritual with your favorite drink. Anyway, I just think community is massively important, so try to engage as much as you can - and that can lead to a really fulfilling and beautiful experience no matter where you are.

      Sending love and encouragement and belief!! XOXO

  6. Question - I hear everywhere tank dream words and really envision a life that you want. I've been writing and reading and seriously want to envision it but what do you do if nothing comes to mind ? I think about it daily!!! I scroll through Pinterest. I literally don't know how to even decipher if i want something or not??! Help!!

    1. Ah, I feel for you. I've been there. I think sometimes it can be hard to pinpoint what our passions are. I think sometimes we've shut off that part of us because we're doing what we are supposed to do - or feel we have to do. Or we don't have the belief that we are worthy of the greatness of dream/goal. Or we feel scared to actually go for something as it means putting ourselves out there, perhaps pushing boundaries, perhaps thinking outside of the box. Following a dream or passion is oftentimes not the easy way.

      Anyway, consider if you might need to do some healing in some areas - perhaps related to self-worth, your gender and perceived expectations, money issues, perfection issues. So many things could be at play. I feel every time we heal a little deeper, it's like the mud on the windshield begins to clear more and more and we can see more clearly - we feel more free, more in tune with who we are, more alive, more fearless.

      Aside from that, think about even the TINIEST seeds in your heart. If money was no problem, if schedule and time were no problem, if you could literally do anything that you wanted, what would it be? Or what area would it be in?

      Also consider what "moves" you - what pisses you off or saddens you - what do you wish could change in the world or in people - what improvements do you wish you could help bring about? What legacy would you love to leave on this earth? What have you learned this far about life, that you would love to help others learn as well? This often can lead to a PASSION. A deep passion that you care about, that you would want to get up and work on no matter the time of day.

      Also, never give up. TRUST, TRUST, TRUST that eventually you WILL tap into something that moves you - you WILL tap into a gift that you would love to share or expand. Do not let your lack of a current passion overcome you with self-doubt, fear, or worthlessness. That will only lead to LESS of a chance that you will move into your gift. BELIEVE that something will, indeed, make itself known.

  7. OMG thank you for writing again!! I'm so inspired and feel conected to the world when you're writing!!!! �� So my friend is going through infertility- she has done IUI treatments and Ivf. Multiple times. I love her so much, but the problem is that through this process she has become mean!!! And it's hard to feel respected around her. She lashes out to everyone! She was never like this before. I want to be a good friend, but I also want to have self-respect as well! Also, The hardest part is that she doesn't see that she's being mean. She talks about herself as handling this so well and not being like the "people who become crazy" �� But she is lashing out at friends and strangers!! �� What do I do?

  8. This is so beautiful, Mara, thank you. ❤️


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