Oh goodness, do you all feel DOOM creeping up on you sometimes?
I don't mean to speak lightly of this - as I know in life there are so, so many life-and-death situations out there that are truly difficult to face.
But I'm talking about all those smaller issues in life that can still bring on stress, worry, fear, or just YUCK. The ones that seem to paralyze us and make us sigh LOUDLY and make us wish it could all go away. The ones we can't seem to shake so easily.
Here are some of mine since we moved to Ecuador:
- Needing to sell our cars in the dead of winter in NYC and not having any luck.
- Packing our storage room full of personal items and leaving the country, then fearing for months that the stacks of bins might have given away and toppled against the door (which would involve a lot of cuss words and cutting through the metal door to get it open.)
- Working on getting resident visas here in Ecuador (this country looves their red tape. Oh. my. goodness - it seriously must be the red tape capital of the world!)
- Trying to find a home to rent in Cuenca (and not really liking any of the homes in Cuenca).
- Having a period of time when I thought it might be best to find a different full-time job back in the states.
Here are some other types of challenges that came to mind. Maybe you can relate:
- Bad news about an expensive car repair or house damage. (termites? flooding? new transmission? rats ate all the wiring under the hood #NYCproblem)
- Dealing with insurance companies or medical care and often the zillion phone calls that come with that.
- Losing money somehow - in business, in mistakes, in betrayals, in unfortunate circumstances.
- An email that needs to be written and you JUST. CAN'T. WRITE. IT. And then you feel shame for letting so much time pass.
- Needing to find A JOB.
- Having an unsavory project looming over your head that you just wish was DONE already.
- That neighbor interaction that led to an offense - and now you dread seeing them.
- Missing a deadline. Like say, missing your flight.
- Having to go to a job that is sucking you dry.
- Waiting for the doctor to call with test results.
- Facing a school/teacher/bully/parent issue that is getting under your skin.
I'll tell you my best tip in the world for when the doom sets in; when you have the sick
feeling in your chest; when you just feel the desire for it all to be over...
MAKE PEACE WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF FAILURE & LOSS.
As I’ve thought back on the moments where the doom has consumed and paralyzed me the most, one of the deepest fears present is the possibility of failure - the possibility that things may just not go the way I desire - the possibility of loss of some kind.
In each scenario where I’ve dealt with it successfully in the past, it has almost always been when I’ve faced the possibility of failure & loss HEAD ON and envisioned the undesired outcome and made peace with it, instead of spending energy on stewing over it or avoiding it. I find that this helps me to make decisions and make a plan of action from a calmer/cooler place. And when you do that, often the overwhelming feeling of doom seems to lose its power and disappear. It's like the horrible outcome becomes the boogy man under the bed...because I survived! I didn't die! haha. It didn't get me! :)
And, my friends, it's worth it to try and tackle the DOOMS - one by one, if needed. Because if you don't, they WILL add up. They will compound and weigh you down. And they'll affect the way you handle the next thing.
But, I tell you this: there is nothing better than being free from the dooms not because you waited around for the problem to get resolved or for someone else to change, but because you delivered yourself. You were proactive. You used your power. You reclaimed your life!!!
Thanks for sharing our blog with others and thanks for your comments - we read every single one!
With All My Love,
P.S. Today's post came a bit later today because there was a serious girls' night going on over on the ABAL Facebook page last night!! The discussion was about the most important role or pursuit you feel as a woman (is it motherhood or something else?) And the comments are over-the-top good.