1/ Looking prettier or being more desirable.
2/ Being cooler or more interesting or engaging.
3/ Encouraging my spouse to get help when at times he wasn’t interested.
4/ Finding a way to get him to love me.
5/ Me learning to be silent and engage less because he had discomfort in the exchange of love.
Ha! Obviously, none of these things worked! I learned (eventually) that all I could really do to improve my marriage was focus on my own wellness (mentally, emotionally, spiritually), my own ability to feel independent happiness, and my own ability to exude peace and be my best self in the world – regardless of his actions. Doing that was the best offering of love I could give.
I feel that if we’re doing that, then it puts the other person in the best position to live their best life, too! It removes the pressure! That’s the best gift ever. Though it doesn’t always save a marriage. I wish that could always be the case. But in the end, both parties need to have a desire to sustain a marriage if it’s going to improve.
If you’d like to have support while trying to offer the best kind of love, we have Skype/phone mentoring available and it’s helping a lot of people.
Now tell me, what things have you done to try and save a marriage (or a relationship)? What things didn’t work, what things did?
Much love to all, Mara