(Picture from when I was single and at DUCK BEACH. Yes, I went to Duck Beach. It's known as the Mormon spring break and literally thousands of single people from around the country go. Has anyone heard of it?)
To you, my dear single friend,
I am sending you some solidarity today.
Because dating is HAAAARRRD stuff.
In my early twenties I found myself wanting so badly to have a relationship that I began compromising. A lot. Too much.
And even after I had a clearer head on my shoulders in my early thirties, I was STILL tempted to compromise. Luckily I didn't.
If I had thought of it then, I would have written up a Dating Manifesto for myself.
Here are some good things I could have put on it:
1. HONOR YOUR INTUITION.
If a relationship doesn't feel right for any reason, GET OUT. Do not give him/her the benefit of the doubt. Honor your own intuition instead. Moving forward will never feel fully warm and fuzzy if it feels against your intuition.
2. PURSUE PEOPLE WHOM YOU *TRULY* ADMIRE.
Don't end up dating someone just because you're both available. Or because there's no one else. Or because the other person won't give up and really, really likes you (even though that feels goood). Or because you really would love to have a friend/partner/lover. Date people you would admire, even if you saw them from the sidelines.
3. EXPECT EQUAL ENERGY AT THE TABLE.
Are they expecting you to do all the work to nurture a relationship? If someone isn't putting just as much energy (and excitement) into the relationship as you are, GET OUT. Rip the bandaid.
4. MOVE ALONG FROM NON-COMMITTALS.
Do they seem afraid to commit? They are probably a really great person that you wish you could be with, but if they are hesitant to commit, they are not ready for a relationship (right now). Stepping away is HARD. But I say don't be the one to force or persuade them into it. It feels much better to be with someone who enthusiastically wants to be with you.
5. INSULTING IS NOT OK.
Do they insult you or others? Perhaps they nit pick about your appearance? Perhaps they wish you were different in some way? Perhaps they don't respect women? Perhaps they imply that you aren't good enough just as you are? GET OUT THIS SECOND.
6. NO THANKS TO NARCISSISM.
Are they always wanting you to be on their turf, at their home, with their friends, on their personal errands and activities, and involved heavily in conversations about THEM? (And never or very seldom vice versa.) GET OUT.
7. YES MEANS YES. NO MEANS NO.
Honesty and transparency is necessary for respectful dating. Don't be annoying by accepting future dates you aren't interested in or by misleading someone in any way. Not cool. Not fair.
8. NEVER FEEL YOU OWE & NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING.
Dinner does not mean something is owed. A kiss does not mean something is owed. A visit to the apartment does not mean something is owed. If someone seems to feel something is owed, SAY NO. Don't regret not using that voice of yours! SPEAK YOUR MIND VERY LOUDLY, if necessary.
9. LISTEN TO PEOPLE YOU TRUST.
If your dearest friends or family you trust are giving your dating partner the side-eye...think twice. Talk about it openly with your friends. Don't ignore herds of people you respect if they're all saying the same thing.
10. NOTICE HOW YOU FEEL WHEN TELLING FRIENDS.
Do you feel embarrassed? Do you feel ashamed? Do you feel excited? Do you feel unsure and anxious? Do you feel proud and full of smiles?
11. STAY TRUE TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL SELF.
Let your personality, talents, hobbies, and interests shine. Don't give up or hide or diminish who you are for another person. If you feel stifled or held back, take note.
Sending you love and hope for your life! I have such a soft spot for those who are single and dating- because while it can be so, so fun at times, there are also so many sticky situations to navigate. If you need a mentor now or during a relationship or break-up, we're available. Sign up HERE.
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With all my love,
Register now for our Body+Soul Camp in Ecuador Oct. 11-17. It's right around the corner!! We'll teach you the nitty gritty of how to be deeply happy. We'll teach you tools for living your BEST life!