I remember very, very much what it was like to be single.
I wanted to be wanted.
I wanted a guy to notice me. To single me out. To somehow see something worthwhile or attractive or unique in me. And with that came wanting a guy…I’ll just say it…to be turned on, to think I was sexy and desirable.
It is sad to say but I will admit that back in my late teens and twenties, there is nothing more I wanted than to be wanted by a guy.
My worth was dependent on it.
Anyone else with me on this?
To all of you women who are just like I was, I literally beg of you to listen up.
Being in this mode is one of the most dangerous states you could be in as a single woman.
Wanting a guy so desperately (so that “your worth can thrive”; so that you can “finally feel secure and feel whole and wanted” – oh my) can put you in the position to just get the luck of the draw. Whatever guy that seems decent enough and approaches you first will get you.
And the scary thing is, it may not matter if he’s not in a state to treat you well. It may not matter if he isn’t someone you respect fully. It may not matter if he mistreats not only you but others. It may not matter if he lives a lifestyle that is completely contrary to yours. It may not matter if he has completely different goals and values than you. It may not matter if he is abusive.
I write this post because I have seen this pattern over and over and OVER in women, friends, and also in myself.
If your worth is dependent on a guy – you will justify the crap out of staying with someone, being with someone, giving someone the benefit of the doubt, and even MARRYING someone.
This could happen even when you know something isn’t right. Even when it seems you do all the work for fostering the relationship. Even when you know deep down that you want something better. Even when you know full well that someone is treating you like a jerk.
Your life does not need to be a charity case for a situation like this!
So what do you do?
Pay very, very close attention to what you actually want in life and what kind of woman you want to be.
Define it. Envision it. Know it. Breathe it. And hold onto it for dear life.
And if you feel you might need a boost of self worth, please don’t let years go by. I beg you to do anything you can to tackle that. Get a mentor. Find a therapist. Read some books. Do positive affirmations. Read some of my self-worth posts. Put some new things into practice. Come to our next retreat (late summer-date TBA soon)!
Improving your self worth will give you the best chance at having a beautiful relationship and a beautiful marriage. It will give you the best chance at attracting someone who also wants to bring good energy to the table.
Has anybody else found themselves in a bad relationship because they wanted so much to be wanted? I would be curious to see how common this is.