10 March 2014

What I've Been Doing to Heal


Good morning!

Writing today from Brooklyn. We've been camping out at our friends' home while they're out of town. We're so grateful to be here while we tie up a couple of loose ends before moving to Ecuador.

Here's the continuation of my last post about those difficult moments I've faced towards the the end of this infertility journey:

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1. At times I've thought (and feared that others think this, too): "What is wrong with me? Why don't I have enough desire to keep going?" I mean, every parent I know says that their children are their greatest joys. And yet, every moment of that IVF I felt like "The Ten Year Pursuit" has just gone on too long and it just hasn't felt right to live my life like that anymore. I have felt angry that after all of this, I have to now face not having the desire any more (and all that that entails.)

What I do to heal from this:


-I think of my truest identity. Instead of feeling conflicted with the "motherhood identity" that I "should" have, or that everybody else has, or that I can't have...I cling to a more important identity which is that of being a Woman of God or a woman full of light and love. That identity I can have. (We can all have that!) I learned to live with that identity after the divorce. Living THAT identity does not require a baby. It does not require a husband, either. And I remind myself that if I couldn't pursue THAT identity first and foremost, I wouldn't be the kind of mother or wife I would want to be, anyway.

-Even though things haven't turned out the way I had hoped, I try to focus my thoughts on gratitude for the entire experience of infertility - as it has changed me. I am a different woman because of it and I would never, ever, ever want to go back! It has taught me everything good that I know. It has made me who I am. Reminding myself of this and focusing on gratitude helps the anger to dissolve.

-Instead of being sad that my life won't look like everyone else's, I remind myself that I can still contribute in life. I'll try my best to do my part, just like I know everyone else is doing, too.

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2. I have had moments of feeling sad that I won't experience pregnancy, the joint experience of creation, feeling a life inside, the miracle of birth, the love hormones of a new mother, breastfeeding a child, the 9 month excitement of anticipating and preparing for a new child. I looked forward to sharing in these amazing life experiences that have united women all over the world from the beginning of time. They seem so womanly, so motherly, so powerful, so miraculous. I hoped to take part in that. For years I read about natural birth (I devoured Ina May's Guide to Childbirth). I even got "well woman" exams with midwives, just to get to know them in case I got pregnant. So part of me has mourned that the experience of birth will not be in my future, unless there is a surprise miracle. But I can't live as if that surprise will happen. It's better for me to just live.

What I do to heal from this:

-I remind myself that A LOT, A LOT of people don't get to experience what they want in life. That is just life. I am no different than anyone else out there who wishes they could change something or wishes that something turned out differently. I could resist and resist my own life, or I could embrace the fact that trials teach us, refine us, give us opportunities to change. Just that shift in perspective changes everything and removes some weight, it even helps this experience to be beautiful.

-I focus on gratitude for the amazing human experiences that I HAVE been able to enjoy. Oh my, there are too many to count: The beauty of the world, the earth. The transformation of my life. Witnessing transformations and healing in others. The beauty of my marriage. Love. Connection. The extraordinary life I've lived in New York. The friendships I've had with some of the best people on earth.  

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3. I feel like most people, especially women and mothers, perhaps ache about this situation more than I do. It's like they're wanting to say, "But you don't know what you're missing." And it's true, I actually don't know. That is part of the reason why it's difficult to continue as I really, really don't know and could never know what it is like to have a child unless I had one. And so, there is a sense of isolation with not knowing what everyone else knows.

What I do to heal from this:

-I don't want to be isolated or feel on the outside and I know it would be 100% self-inflicted if I chose to feel that way (because seriously, my friends and their beautiful children are some of the best people ever.) And so, when I show up to church or friend gatherings, I just try to reach out to people with love (as they do the same for me.) I wish I could be even better, but I'm glad I've had so many opportunities to practice this as it has resulted in the best connections ever with so many people whom I love so, so dearly. My heart aches thinking of how much I would have missed out on if I chose not participate, or chose to shy away from other mothers, or to sulk and feel far away, thinking that I didn't belong. In reality, I think we ALL can relate to each other and support each other in so many ways, even in our very diverse circumstances. Doesn't matter if we are married, divorced, single, lesbian, infertile, mother of 6, childless, etc...we are ALL in this together. If only there was more time in each day to connect with more people.


4. I sometimes fear being alone. If I were to ever lose Danny, I would have no offspring, no family of my own. One of us will one day be alone. I can hardly bear the thought. It's weird to think of not having any heritage. We will basically disappear one day.

 What I do to heal from this:

 -Whenever I think of losing Danny, I remind myself that HEALING IS POSSIBLE. No matter what we might face - including tragedy - healing is possible. Joy is still possible. Connection and love is still possible. I know that. I have experienced that. It gives me so much hope. If something happened to Danny, I would want to live in his honor. That inspires me to do so now.

-I remind myself that leaving a heritage or a legacy is not just for parents. We ALL can leave our own legacy. Truth be told, I started writing the first drafts for this blog during a time when I was terribly sick with pneumonia and feeling very weak. It was like my body, in it's weakness, went into "it's time to leave your legacy" mode. ha. Somehow I could see the end of my life. So I wrote and wrote. And you can see here, I'm still writing. :) And so I've thought, does it matter WHO receives whatever legacy it is we are trying to share? Does it matter if it is shared with our own children or a neighbor, a friend or a stranger? I think it's more important that we just share, period.

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5. I need to re-invent my life and start from scratch. I don't necessarily want to. I don't have the energy for it. Up until now, my whole life has been geared towards "one day having a child." I took certain jobs and did things based on the idea that one day, I would be a mother.

What I do to heal from this:

-Well, in the beginning, I started out just going through the motions of this new chapter as I wasn't feeling so excited about change. But as I've gone through the motions, more excitement and motivation has come. I mean, we've really, really connected with so many new people from all over the world. We've made plans for the future. We've added new goals. We're adding new adventures. We're learning new things. It's all in motion and there is a feeling of momentum. No doubt there will likely be challenges ahead in Ecuador. But at the moment, we're feeling up for it. We're excited for adventures ahead. 

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6. It pains me greatly to think of Danny not being a father. But that is a post for another day.

What I do to heal from this:

I believe Danny when he tells me that he is at peace and that he knows our lives will be beautiful and full, no matter the size of our family.


These photos were taken in Oslo at Vigelandsparken, the sculpture park. Those scenes of life and family made us smile so much. I just loved watching Danny's reactions.

P.S. Would you consider helping us by sharing our blog with others in whatever ways you're able? We receive letters from people daily saying that our posts are helping them so much (which always blows us away). It motivates me to keep blogging and to try and reach more people who need some hope.  Thank you so, so much for your help.

45 comments:

  1. I feel like a piece of your legacy Danny and Mara! And if you ever do come to London I would love to take you on one of your walks in the beautiful parks here :)

    Love Harriet :) x

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    1. Ahh, thank you so so much.... this makes me happy.
      And a funny note: our dear friends' 3 year old boy we love was wearing a soccer outfit we bought him in Ecuador. Someone asked him where he got it and he said, "Danny and Mara. You know, they're like our grandparents." haha. So darling.

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  2. I wish I could tell you both how many times I have emailed everyone in my address book a link to your blog... single friends, married friends, my sister... I have not had time to comment much in a while, but, I am still reading and loving every single thing you have to say. Reading this blog is always a bright spot in my day/night or whenever I have a moment to catch up here. I'm glad you are so full of love and strength that you are able to share and inspire us all. I am certain you are helping so many more people than you think or could even dream of.

    Many, many thanks to you both! I only wish you the best on your new adventures and hope they will bring you to CA sometime soon.

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    1. Wow. Thaaaaank you so so much. Most of the readers here have found us due to recommendations from others - and it's people like you. So thanks for spreading the word as many people have been able to benefit. (And really, I can't take the credit. So many of you have helped this to happen.)

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  3. Mara, I also wanted to mention how gorgeous you look in that photo above... you always look good but this one is incredible! And of course your man looks cute, too. Not that you needed any reminding. :)

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    1. So nice of you. I find it hard to get all ready while traveling due to full agendas, early travel days, long and exhausting days, etc. So it's a miracle to have some photos that look half way decent. :)

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  4. Only the very wise, strong and emotionally rich are able to sit with their pain in such a reflective way to grow as people. It's just inspiring to see you doing that, but also sharing this process in the hope of helping others. Amazing people don't just appear, they're created - unfortunately, mostly through hardship. I spent some time once at a drug rehabilitation center to learn more about the illness and the healing process. I saw a 48 year-old man running around acting like a total goofball with an 18 year-old. It was awkward to see an adult acting that way -- a counselor spotted me watching the whole situation and said to me in reference to the old gentleman "Drugs rob you from feeling pain and growing as a person, so he'd emotionally the age he was when he started using: 17." That stuck with me for a long time and has come back over and over again when I go through painful experiences. You only grow and mature and enrich your life but taking in the sour with the sweet, and you, Mara, are able to so eloquently and maturely convey this process as an ultimately positive one. Thanks.

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    1. Your comments are always so appreciated. Thank you so much for contributing here and being such a wise force for good in these comment sections!

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  5. This post was so profound to me. Thank you for sharing it and touching my life through your experiences. You are both so sweet, strong, wise, and wonderful.

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  6. Thank you so much for sharing this -- I have had a few disappointments over the past year (namely, not being able to accept an exciting job offer because family health problems necessitated that I stay put) and it was really useful for me to read the passage: "I remind myself that A LOT, A LOT of people don't get to experience what they want in life. That is just life. I am no different than anyone else out there who wishes they could change something or wishes that something turned out differently."

    That was a really good dose of perspective for me. Thank you again for sharing, and all the best to you as you continue to heal and re-envision your life!

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  7. I came across your blog when I was searching for blogs/information about infertility. I was desperate to read or find other women going through what I was going through as I felt so alone. It was your post about Mother's Day for the Infertile that was my "ah-ha moment" - everything clicked and I had a major attitude shift. I chose happiness and to have joy for my friends and their pregnancies, children ... I came out of my dark cloud and found so much PEACE (after three years of anger). Which then enabled me to hear God speaking to me about His perfect timing and purpose. I had been so angry at Him - but by choosing happiness and JOY my eyes and heart opened.

    I'm very open and honest with my infertility journey which has given me friends with women going through the same thing. I always, always send them that post and share how your blog gave me my ah-ha moment.

    I can't thank you enough for that specific post but for also sharing your heart with all of us.

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  9. I was thinking about you guys this weekend and the thought popped into my mind, Mother Teresa didn't have a life that looked like everyone else's. She never had children of her own but her legacy is endless. You have a path and a life that you were meant to lead. If it was suppose to be like everyone else's then it would be. Thank you for your words on healing. It really is possible :)

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    1. That is a really sweet thought and it's so nice to think of Mother Teresa. :) Thank you so much.

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  10. So many wise points here. Thank you for sharing such a practical post on the things you think about to help you overcome and grow from difficult thoughts and feelings. The two of you truly are an inspiration!

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  11. This post both hurts and heals. Thank you. My husband and I are just beginning our infertility journey. The other night while laying in bed I felt the sudden urge to tell my husband that he was enough. That if we are unable to have children and never do, that him, this life we have made together, this love we have between just the two of us, will be more than enough. He looked stunned for a moment and then as tears welled up in his eyes he said "Thank you" with a breath of relief and pulled me close. Love is always enough.

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  12. In regards to #4, you mentioned that there are many ways to leave a legacy - which is true and can happen in ways we don't expect either. I had an uncle who never married or had children. I didn't even know him well as a child but started spending more time with him during college because he lived relatively close to where I went to school. My uncle was quirky but incredibly kind and generous. He helped me so much through the years. We found out he had late stage lung cancer just before I got pregnant with my one and only boy. My son was born a few months before he died. My husband and I felt inspired to name our son's middle name after my uncle. We promised my uncle that he would be remembered and our son would know all about him. Nine years later we have kept that promise and my son also has some things that belonged to my uncle. No one who is loved just disappears.

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  13. Mara, I'm not sure if your email is the same but I sent you a note too long to share here. :)

    In a nutshell, I've got a little one losing his eyesight and this post really, REALLY helped as we try to work through this news. So thank you!!

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  14. Love your place here and am proud to share on Facebook and with my friends and family via email! Your legacy is being carried by all your readers, you're touching so many with your courage and wisdom! And you've so much left to do! This was such a powerful post! Our youth need to learn these lessons so they are prepared when Happily Ever After is messier and a lot more work than they imagine. Love you guys! If you're ever in the Stuttgart Germany area, I'd love to help organize a fireside or get together with some pretty awesome US military wives/women! They are some of the most caring, resilient people I've come to know!

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  15. You're an inspiration and I think I'll be using some of these thoughts (if that's ok) for my Relief Society lesson coming up. I'll be talking about Self worth. I also wanted to mention that I've started a Women of Faith series in my home every month. It's something that any woman of any religion is welcome to attend and it has been a huge success. We have women of different religions regularly attend and speak (including women of my own faith) and It has lifted and inspired so many of us. The thing that I love about this lecture series is that it reminds me how connected we women are. How similar our faith is, even though we come from very different religious backgrounds. It is a powerful thing to be connected by the belief and faith in something bigger than ourselves. I so appreciate you sharing about this lecture series, because it's made a difference in the lives of many here in Washington state. :) You were also so gracious in answering my questions (I emailed you) about the lecture series and how it works. I think the world is in need of Danny and Mara and I think the contributions the two of you have made have already begun to leave a beautiful legacy. I have trouble believing a person like you will ever be alone. You seem to make strangers, family. I see a beautiful life ahead for you and the people lucky enough to cross your path. :)

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    1. yes! Please feel free to share anything you'd like in your lesson! I'm so happy something here resonated with you.

      And, I am THRILLED that you have started a Women of Faith lecture series. AMAZING. Our's is still continuing (we have a lecture on Wed.). And I have to say, these events have been some of my most favorite things I've ever attended. So I am literally smiling from ear to ear to think that you, too, and the women in your area get to experience what it's like. Thanks for sharing. And thanks for all your kind words.

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  16. Thank you so much Mara for helping me find strength in difficult times by sharing your stories.
    xx

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    1. Dear Anon - thank you so much. It is my deepest desire to try to help others during their difficult times, so this really just made me happy that the blog has somehow reached you. May you have the strength you need - the desire to move forward - the willingness (when you're ready) to do the work to heal. I'll be rooting for you through my posts. xo

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  17. Here's my post about your blog that I wrote on my facebook page:

    Years ago, I was told by my partner (at the time) that if I was certain that I didn't want children, he would break up with me that very day, because I have never really been certain about wanting kids, and he was sure he wanted them. The fact that he was waiting for me to make up my mind meant I was wasting his time by not "knowing for sure," so I started researching the topic on the internet. This lead me to a whole part of the internet called mommyblogs (Blech! I know, just bear with me). After finding all kinds of myopic crap, as well as heart harming child focused living stuff, I stumbled upon this blog written by an infertile couple. They have tried for many years to get pregnant and now are accepting that IVF just isn't working for them. I am sharing this post of theirs because the things this woman says about healing from a huge disappointment in life, it is just so universally applicable. I really love this post, written by a wanna-be-but-non mommyblogger. And for the record, I am no more clear about the kid thing. I'm happy to let nature and menopause take this decision from me. And I am also happy that many other differences took that relationship from me as well.

    http://www.ablogaboutlove.com/2014/03/what-ive-been-doing-to-heal.html

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    1. Monika, we're sitting here and I just said to Danny, "Wow!" Seriously, this blew me away. Thank you for your kindness and compassion in sharing this with others. And I'm so thrilled that you, too, somehow found our blog!! So awesome! We're really glad to have you. And, sending you best wishes in your own life as you try to be true to yourself. That was really vulnerable of you to share where you're at with your friends, too, and I applaud you for that. XO

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    2. Mara! I really hope you and Danny call in at some point and donate a Sweet Nothing to my project. http://monikaproffitt.com/work/sweet-nothings/ I think I will be debuting this project at an art festival in Yonkers in early May, and then again during Frieze Week, a week of lots of art fairs in Manhattan in early/ mid May. I really hope you guys are in town for it, but in any case, your Sweet Nothing donation would just delight me to no end. I really hope we can meet someday! Thank you for all that you are contributing to the world. I am so happy I found your blog, year(s?) ago.
      Here is some more info about me:
      http://www.starrynightretreat.com/ - my residency and exhibitions program
      http://vimeo.com/62197912 - beauty in the world
      http://vimeo.com/88074618 - my business model
      https://www.facebook.com/starrynightprograms - our facebook page
      http://monikaproffitt.com/about/ - me, according to the internet.

      So happy to make your acquaintance! xo

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  18. Oh this is good! So hopeful and, you're right, so healing. And your "lessons learned" can be applied to so many circumstances and scenarios. Life is great---so much of it is how we choose to see and react to it all. I'm happy you guys posted this. Thank you!

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  19. Mara, one of the things I love about you, and have ever since I started to get to know you, is that you are willing to share your learning with all of us. From a teaching standpoint, this post is especially powerful. A very wise friend of mine once looked at me and said: "there are a lot of ways to have a family" and then talked to me about the people in her life who have become family through service and care and love. I, of course, hope you get that and more.

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  20. My wife is going through the exact same thing right now. So she (and I) understand, and that's why I like this post so much. It resonates with what my wife and I are going through right now. Thank you. This helped.

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  21. Mara...........I always appreciate your honesty in your posting .. gives me support words for friends going through challenges similar to yours...always pass along your blog address.
    Now a question...Have been seeing a Nokia advert on television.....the guy looks very much like Danny....just wondering

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    1. Danny and I just looked it up...is this the one? http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7BNl/microsoft-windows-nokia-lumia-icon-phone

      It does kind of look like him :) You had us both laughing

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    2. yep...maybe, this is the new look...just saw a series of vehicle ads last night with a guy with a similar look though definitely brunette...a way to get some extra dollars while traveling the world...he certainly has the right look! Glad you had a laugh

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  22. I just can't thank you enough- what a vulnerable and beautiful post. I feel so inspired today, and as I'm only in the first hump of fertility treatment failures, I sure needed some hope that even if it never happens, there is joy and peace to be found!

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  23. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. I have been going through some of my own trials in my life (none as difficult as infertility) but these ideas can be applied to any kind of trial and I am so excited to use them and have them change my life. Thank you so much!

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  24. Totally appreciate your willingness to open up your hearts and share. Many of your posts have me nodding, smiling or crying. Your thoughts on relationships resonate and ring so true to me, thank you. Your struggles with infertility, goodness infertility just sucks! My husband and I faced that struggle, really appreciate this post in particular. Had to write and share that in regard to your #1, I began to see that I could be 'Mothering' without being a 'mother'. The saying 'it takes a village' began to mean that I could have important roles as a unique daughter of God in the lives of littles or bigs, without being their mother. Get this, I actually spoke at church on Mother's Day, back to back years...funny but not... right? 'Mothering' I tell ya!!! You probably have already read them but great talks on www.lds.org by Sheri Dew, Ardith G. Kapp and Julie B. Beck on Mothering. I also found that I was blessed with tender mercies; high fives from kids, little pictures drawn for me, being the friend who babies had long naps with. As I (we) grieved and grew there were tender mercies. Finding gratitude for the life you have, true that! I love that you both can be an example and beacon of hope for joy when life does not roll out as we planned. Thank you!

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  25. I've been reading your blog consistently for years since I saw a mention on DesignMom. I feel like part of your legacy. We share very few life experiences, but I really think I've learned a lot about choosing happiness and being our best selves. I was thrilled to read about you in Clayton Christensen's latest book. :) I've long thought you two are inspired to create such a positive space online, and he confirmed it. I will gladly be more active in sharing your message with others! Thank you for coming back to write after the last IVF. I missed you!

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  26. I came across your blog yesterday doing some adoption research, and feel like you're where I could be in 2 years. We've been 8 years trying, gone through all the drug treatment, IUI, IVF, and been on an adoption waiting list. This past year, finishing the IVF, we decided that our lives couldn't be about this forever. So, if we don't become parents in the next 2 years, we're calling it quits and deciding to embrace life without kids & the freedom it has (including a tentative plan to move somewhere warm and exotic for a year or more). Like you, I've become more ambivalent over the years about becoming a mom. My husband says it's not worth wrecking two lives over to have one, and I guess that's the bottom line.
    We have our second foster placement of a baby boy right now, and it looks to us like he'll be going home, although we don't know yet. We're now thinking about adopting an older sibling group, and I'm searching my heart to try to figure out if it'll be a great thing for us or if we're better to leave well enough alone. Wishing you all the best!

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  27. My partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email;fertilitysolutiontemple@live.com , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that she we either conceive in January 2013 or February 2013,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Dr.BABA Because he predictions put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: ;fertilitysolutiontemple@live.com if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine.

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  28. Hello, To all my fellow ladies out there who are still finding them selves of my old situation,my name is CLARA THOMPSON and i am here to tell you all about my life this is my testimony and the great experience i have had with life, i was married for good 15years with no issue(child) i was so worried my husband was getting furious i never blamed him because he was very patient with me since all this years,i needed help so bad i went to different hospitals to see what was wrong with my womb and why i cant give birth to my own baby.the doctors always confirm that i don't have a problem,it hurts me deep when ever i see my friends breast feeding their own babies and also inviting me for their baby shower and naming ceremonies.i had no option i always attended hoping that one day i will blessed with my own child.my life was turned upside down i was ashamed of my self my mother was putting pressure on my husband to get another wife my husband declined because he truly loves me and wanted me to be the mother of his children,i needed help and had no where else to turn to.till a very good day when i was browsing through the internet i read about a spell caster that helps people to get their lover back win their money back,i never saw anything referring to the help of childlessness i just had to try this great spell caster,i contacted the spell and told him about my problem and he told me that my problem is very easy for him to handle i was shocked and thought maybe he is just trying to take advantage of my present situation,i gave it a thought and finally concluded on giving it a try.i did all the spell caster required and he told me to go and make love with my husband.this happen in June 12-2012 and i got pregnant i was so happy and last year February 22 -2013 i got my first baby girl (DISNEY) i was very thankful to this great spell caster for the great help he has rendered and for coming to my rescue when everything i had turned against me now i have my life back and my husband is so happy with me and he is telling me about having a another child for him as soon as possible.i want to use this medium or opportunity to tell all my fellow ladies who are going through my previous situation that all hope is not lost if you need the help of this great spell caster you can contact him via email extremesolutiontemple@hotmail.com or via phone number on:+2348052168467 you might just be the next to give your own testimony,

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  29. I have benefited so much from your blog, especially when I was going through the biggest trial of my life to date a few years ago. Your words, your advice, personal encouragement from Danny, and your willingness to be vulnerable have all helped me immensely in my healing process. Thank you both for making the world a better place. I pray for your both often, and I thank God for your influence in my life. Thank you.

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  31. I can't tell you how much your blog has helped me in the past weeks. My husband and I recently found out, after years of trying to have a baby, that it is impossible for us to concieve. Reading your words has helped me to come to terms with this new reality and be at peace with this drastic change in our life plans. Thank you

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  32. Dear, Mara,

    I know I am coming quite late to this conversation, but I just found your blog. My curiosity was peeked because it was about love. I find these days that love is too rarely spoken off. So, I wanted to see what you had to say and found it inspiring.

    I too cannot give birth to children. Oddly, when I was a teenager, I saw a show about a women who was described as infertile, and a voice in my head said I would be like her. I remember being quite shocked. I tried to argue the idea, fight with my fate, but to no avail. As an adult, I discovered that the statement I had heard was true.During many years of marriage, I never became pregnant.

    I spoke once to a wise man about it, an Indian Pundit. He told me that I was too spiritual to have children. He said, that having children is a very physical act, and I was not a physical person. I have accepted the truth of that statement. I am an artist and author. I create in a different way. I believe people are on this earth to serve different purposes, and not all our fates are the same. I do not believe that one fate is better than an other, just that each of us must dance to our own blessed music and serve in our individual ways.

    If you had children, you would not be doing what you are doing now. Perhaps the universe felt it was more important that you serve in this way than another.

    A woman's body can act as gateway to help individual souls into this life. A woman's soul can help guide people's hearts and ease their pain whether they are her children or strangers. Acceptance of self and of our individual paths is a difficult but necessary trial to overcome. I am glad to see that you have transmuted your pain into something positive for the benefit of others.

    Candice R. Lee

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  33. I love this post Mara and Danny. I first read your blog 4 years ago in my own time of despair and I've been reading ever since. Lately I'm starting from the beginning and reading through again so I can remind myself and practices the virtues and lessons. Next year I'm making a shift myself to move over to Europe to be with my partner and I'm so excited for this change and focus on love. I'm definitely going to come to a retreat of yours as soon as the timing works out. My partner owns a beautiful dairy farm in Ireland so you might receive an invitation from us next year to come visit :)
    Thanks for writing such inspiring words. They definitely give me courage every day.
    Erin xx

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  34. I just stumbled upon this blog post via Google as I was researching on how women overcame failed IVFs. Your blog resonated with me loud & clear. And I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    I came to know of my failed status couple of days back, so I am still in muddled waters. Mara, each & every post, and especially previous one speaks to me out loud. To lay out your fears out there for the world to read, takes immense courage and you have those truck loads! I am pretty sure too I do not want to pursue another IVF or have the stamina to pursue adoption yet (may be in future). I rather celebrate the love, passion & abundance I have in my life - not necessarily translated into having a child. I have just barely started this journey to resolution, acceptance & inner peace. I rather resolve than resign myself to circumstances.

    Thank you for making an impact to lives of so many women, and couples through your blog. You made a difference to mine and am gonna come back to it often I feel. You & Danny are truly an inspiration. Thank you!!

    Indrani

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