24 October 2013

Hope

One of my favorite women used to rent out my studio in Brooklyn with her wonderful husband. She, too, has faced infertility for many, many years.  She is also a musician and composer.  She sent me this song tonight.  She wrote it this last year and I just love it so much...there is just so much meaning in it as I know what she has been facing for so long.  I've had this song on repeat all night.
After going through these two IVFs, I can say that one of the most powerful things in this world is hope!  It can truly fuel anything.

Hope can even make an IVF joyful.  During the first IVF, I felt that.  I had hope.  It truly did carry me.  During this second IVF, I have had very little hope.  I guess because I have felt overdue in putting my hope into my next chapter.  I am grateful for this experience as it has let me know that it truly is time to move on.  I want to cultivate the hope that I can still really and truly have a meaningful life and make a meaningful difference in this world, even though my life has and will continue on in a very different way to those around me.  I have the hope that I can once again feel in harmony with my body and my life, as I have for the last many, many years, even without a child. 
I do not yet know if I am pregnant.  If I am, I will have hope that I can embrace that experience with all my heart.  If I am not, I will try with all my heart to have hope for a new life, whatever that may be. 
May you all have hope for your lives...may it consume you and carry you.  May it help you thrive and live.  May it carry you through the dark.  May it bring you closer to living a meaningful life, whatever that might look like for you.
I have love tonight for all of you.  I have hope for all of us, whatever is on the horizon.
Yours, 
Mara

12 comments:

  1. Thank you for this post, Mara, and prayers to you. :)

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  2. Thank you so much for posting this song. It is now a new favorite. It resonated in my heart which I admit is broken pretty broken right now. I have been fighting feelings of hopelessness and this truly helped me tonight. I find good music to be so healing and such a wonderful source of peace and comfort. Thank you so much for posting it.

    On another note, I remember during my first IVF about 11 years ago I had a picture of our 2 implanted embryos on my fridge. I remember thinking how fun it was to have a picture of them on my fridge just like most people have ultrasounds on their fridges. :)

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  3. I am bawling. I didn't realize until I read your post and listened to the song that I am clinging to hope with all my strength right now, and I think I didn't realize it because of hope's truly buoyant nature. We, too, are waiting to see if we are going to receive that which we Really want and need. I am grateful for your good example of being ready to embrace whatEver comes next, whether it is what we are hoping and praying for, or whether it is something God knows will be even more fulfilling than that for us. The peace and assurance during uncertainty (waitinngg) that whatever happens, it will be good, I hadn't identified that feeling as hope. Thank you, I love it.

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  4. Dear Mara
    I love these quotes on hope.
    HOPE Anchors the Soul (Hebrews.6:19)
    Those who HOPE in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles,they will run and not grow weary they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:31)
    I am thinking of you and praying that you will have strength for your journey.
    Shelley

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  5. Such a beautiful song. You are so strong, Mara! We all love you.
    I just stumbled across this awesome blog/podcast of a husband-wife team. If you don't know about it, you should check it out! It's really good. Their advice on intimacy has helped my husband and me a ton.
    http://www.oneextraordinarymarriage.com/

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  6. Yay! I'm so glad you are back! I love this blog and I have so much hope for you guys too!

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  7. Beautiful post! I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I'm sure that whatever happens in your future, it will be wonderful, because you have the courage and strength to take on any challenge with a smile and a heart full of love. Wishing for all the best with this IVF...whatever the result may be. xo

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  8. Oh, this blog post and beautiful song really soothed my sad heart today. Thanks so much for writing and sharing this message.

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  9. I woke up crying today, mourning the loss of the life I thought I would have, and wishing I would look with more hope and expectancy to the life I DO have. What a gift you gave me! Thank you.

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  10. This song is already good and I just hit play. Hope is such a powerful thing. I've had a really overwhelming year with quitting a job (to get out of a bad situation), moving to a new state alone, having some heartbruising dating experiences, etc. Every time a new job or boy seems exciting it falls through not much later, and it's disheartening. But my roommate pointed out that even if it feels like I'm not finding what I want in either the career or love department, at least the first dates and job interviews give me HOPE for a week or two at a time. The letdowns get old, but the hope is very real. It helps to carry me long until the real deal and I find each other :) I have loved reading your story. I just feel like you are going to fly with whatever outcome comes your way.

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  11. Hope is the energy that feeds the soul and it can do miracles ... Nice blog

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  12. Beautiful post, miracles exist!

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