One of my favorite women used to rent out my studio in Brooklyn, with her wonderful husband. She, too, has faced infertility for many, many years. She is also a musician and composer. She sent me this song tonight. She wrote it this last year and I just love it so much...there is just so much meaning in it as I know what she has been facing for so long. I've had this song on repeat all night.
After going through these two IVFs, I can say that one of the most powerful things in this world is hope! It can truly fuel anything.
Hope can even make an IVF joyful. During the first IVF, I felt that. I had hope. It truly did carry me. During this second IVF, I have had very little hope. I guess because I have felt overdue in putting my hope into my next chapter. I am grateful for this experience as it has let me know that it truly is time to move on. I want to cultivate the hope that I can still really and truly have a meaningful life and make a meaningful difference in this world, even though my life has and will continue on in a very different way to those around me. I have the hope that I can once again feel in harmony with my body and my life, as I have for the last many, many years, even without a child.
I do not yet know if I am pregnant. If I am, I will have hope that I can embrace that experience with all my heart. If I am not, I will try with all my heart to have hope for a new life, whatever that may be.
May you all have hope for your lives...may it consume you and carry you. May it help you thrive and live. May it carry you through the dark. May it bring you closer to living a meaningful life, whatever that might look like for you.
I have love tonight for all of you. I have hope for all of us, whatever is on the horizon.