One Thing That Helped Me To Be At Peace With Infertility…

Many years ago, when I first began to heal emotionally/spiritually, I was seeing a fertility acupuncturist in Manhattan. Little did I know that my time with her would change my life for good.  (Sometimes I still can’t believe it happened…I remember so clearly the days when it seemed it might be impossible to truly ever have any inner peace.)

I remember our first session together. I was laying on the table and during the acupuncture, she had me listen to this meditation CD called, “Help for Fertility” by Belleruth Naperstak. I had never listened to anything like this before. It’s basically just words to music…but it just spoke to my soul. I laid on that table and just wept.

Today I feel honored to share with you a portion of those beautiful words that were so very transformative to me then, and have been a part of the script in my head ever since as I’ve thought about being a mother. I know these lines so well now – – they even feel sacred to me. I think any hopeful mother or mother would love this…

“Affirm your intention to support and care for this body of yours. And know that in the deepest part of you that you have the heart, the mind, the strength, and the love to care for a new young life. Everything you need is right here. And so you can gently invite this new soul to come into your life…by whatever route it chooses to take – in it’s own right time. And you may feel certain that you know what that will look like…or maybe not. But for right now, for just this moment, you can let yourself surrender into just being, knowing in the deepest, truest part of you that this will unfold exactly as it should. And remember that this body of yours will be your ally – your oldest friend and your steadiest companion – sometimes wiser and more attuned to your life’s path than even your own mind can know or say.”

 “And you might have a sense of other hands – resting gently on top of your own – of smiling ancestors and special guardians offering encouragement, sending a greeting and a blessing, bringing in for you all the love and sweetness that has ever been sent your way – from any time or place in your life.  Every prayer and good wish.  Every loving smile and comforting gesture. “

“And whether (the process of a life developing) is happening inside your own body – or some place else- you know that this new being is the one that was meant to be placed in your keeping to be loved and taught and guided by you. And you can sense the presence of smiling ancestors watching over this new, evolving life – wherever it grows. Crooning soft lullabies in low loving voices, tenderly offering gifts and visions and guidance, promises and blessings…because they see the child who will pick up their banner and carry the best of what they stood for into the world. And so they stay close. Smiling and nodding. Whispering this child’s name.

And you know that this new life will know the feel of your lap. The tambour of your voice. The rhythm of your breathing like no other. This child will respond to your touch, your smile, your scent, your mood, and your love like no other…just as you will thrive on the love that opens up and blossoms inside of you like no other.”

“And suddenly you are certain. You know with your whole heart – your whole being – that this child is a gift. A gift like no other. A precious link in the great human chain. Necessary and perfect. And with your guidance, will leave the world a better place for having been in it. Understand that you can let go of striving and worrying and just allow this to happen. In it’s own way. In it’s own time. As you continue to live your life fully and completely – surrounded by those who love and support you – visible and invisible; loving your body; embracing your life; and taking gentle good care of yourself. Because you know that you can trust this journey…that you are already blessed with everything you need to fulfill your promise.”

I’d love to hear what you think.  Also, do you meditate? Do you meditate silently, to music, or a guided meditation? My meditation normally comes in the form of a prayer, but I would actually love to learn more and more about what other people do. For awhile I’ve been dreaming of going to India to visit a Vipassana Meditation Center. They have 10-day meditation courses where they teach you, feed you, house you, and immerse you in meditation – and they’re even free of charge! Have you ever done something like this? Would you? (I say let’s go!)

(The beautiful photos are of my oldest New York friend, Abby. I’ve known her longer than anyone and we’ve been through so much together.  And, I just can’t help but mention that her instagram feed is a work of art – she’s one of the most talented people I know.)

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  1. Jenny D. June 14, 2013 at 7:47 pm - Reply

    Really beautiful. Reminds me that I really need to bring meditation back into my life. Oh, I would go to a Vipassana meditation center in India in a heartbeat if I could. Maybe I can go with you! 😉

  2. Caroline June 14, 2013 at 8:07 pm - Reply


    This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing these words. I'm not a mother yet, but these words made me realize what being a parent really is all about.

    "And whether (the process of a life developing) is happening inside your own body – or some place else- you know that this new being is the one that was meant to be placed in your keeping to be loved and taught and guided by you."

    I love that. I once heard a TED talk by Elizabeth Gilbert on creativity that the artists and writers are put through an agony of trying to "create" something brilliant each time they practice their art and this drives them mad with fear of failure to create. But in ancient times, it was believed that creativity came from divine beings, that their touch, their will translates into this beauty, their "art" and you were a vehicle they used to carry the art through to our world. It wasn't you that created it.

    I think so much of that is parallel here. That you aren't necessarily "making" something all on your own, but only that you are entrusted with this gift, one way or another, when the divinity deemed you ready, when it was the time for this "art" to be brought to the world.

    Oh Mara, I've been a silent reader for a while, but this spoke to me so much and it gave me such peace and courage about living your life with what is entrusted to you, not just beautiful children but all life's gifts.

    Best of luck on your journey Mara and Danny!
    Thanks again for sharing these beautiful words!


  3. Anonymous June 14, 2013 at 10:12 pm - Reply

    Mara… Just have to say thank you for posting.. I almost get teary writing.. as I know I was supposed to read this today. I am a mother. I feel VERY fortunate. Very blessed. And I am so prayerful for you and your journey right now. I really hope your dreams and wishes come true. Really.

    I have 6 children… and live a very full, eventful life. I thought I was done, but somehow.. despite preventative measures, I am expecting #7. I am so excited, and very happy. But it is overwhelming. I doubt myself, and my abilities to love and care for this upcoming baby. And the world around me is not what I would say "unsupportive"… but there is not a lot of support either. I just get lots of surprised looks, and people's "how are you going to do this?" comments. Sometimes I wonder the same thing.

    I need to trust more, and realize… like this meditation said… that "that this new being is the one that was meant to be placed in your keeping to be loved and taught and guided by you." I know that must be true. I am hopeful, and have faith that I can measure up to what I am meant to be…. as a mother… and as a person. And I guess that is what we all have in common. That is how we share the same thread in this meditation…. and I appreciate you sending it… probably having no idea that a mother of 6 almost 7 would be as touched as a mother waiting to be. Thank you. May Heavenly Father continue to guide you in all your endeavors. You are a wonderful voice in a crazy world.

    much love and hugs.

  4. Livyb June 15, 2013 at 2:26 am - Reply

    Truly beautiful words. Thank you so much for sharing this. I pray for you all so often that this path you are on will lead to exactly where you are supposed to be.

  5. Pam G June 15, 2013 at 2:10 pm - Reply

    Hi Mara,

    Such beautiful words. I am so touched by how you and Danny share your experience and what is in your hearts with us.

    I am a mother to 3 and it has been wonderful, frustrating, heart-breaking, and restorative. It isn't always easy and I'm often not sure if what I say is right or helpful, but they help me to keep working on being my best self. Reading your blog has been a gift because it's given me a chance to reflect on the blessings in my life and try see the everyday as bright as yellow.

    You and Danny have shown me that it is possible to live what is in your heart. As always, I am wishing you both continued happiness and thanking you for all the joy you put out there for us.

    As for Vipassana, I read this last week. I am thinking of applying for next winter's course. But maybe I should stop thinking and just do it…

    Much love,


  6. Liz Stanley June 15, 2013 at 5:55 pm - Reply

    This is beautiful, Mara. I loved it. Will have to find that cd

  7. Anonymous June 17, 2013 at 2:45 am - Reply

    I started meditating a few months ago at the urging of my therapist after the loss of a relationship. At the time I was overcome with loss and grief. I was able, through meditation to find a sense of peace and comfort, in addition to prayer and my testimony of our Savior Jesus Christ and his sacrifice on my behalf.
    I noticed that my world was heaviest at night. Right before bed I would feel totally burdened with my loss and grief. So after giving my worries to the Lord through prayer I would lay down and listen to Andrew Johnson as I went to sleep. He focuses on rest and relaxation, but for me it was something to keep my mind busy and present. There is such power in being present in your own life, even if its for only a few moments at the end of the day.
    That was roughly six months ago, and today I am happier than I have ever been. In part to the power of being present with myself, and accepting myself unconditionally, in this moment. I don't have the ideal life, but what I have is mine, all mine. Being present daily helps me to see all of it. I highly recommend meditation.

    • danny June 17, 2013 at 4:20 am - Reply

      I love this. Mara and I love hearing how things like this have helped people not only "get through" something, but literally overcome and be even better than before. Thanks for sharing.

  8. Lissa June 17, 2013 at 4:00 pm - Reply

    I think it is experiences like this that really define us. I am going through a similar experience with something in my life that I want dearly. It's something that is good and righteous and in my mind, would help me be a better person. It's something that is always in my heart and even though I try to do the "right" things and be a good person, for some reason it just hasn't happened for me. For a long time, I thought that He wasn't answering my prayers, that I wasn't worthy enough or that there was something wrong with me but it took a lot of self-reflecting and meditation to realize that maybe it's just not time yet or that I need to be strong in this area in particular before it will happen. I feel like meditation helps me to be able to put things in perspective and look at the things I do have. Sometimes it's just a few minutes before bedtime or going for a drive but for me personally, it is important to have that time to be honest with myself and realign my eternal perspective to not get caught up in the day-to-day things.

    I love your blog and love that you guys can be so "real". Keep it up 🙂

  9. Chirasree Banerjee June 19, 2013 at 7:45 pm - Reply

    Nice to read your post!

  10. Anonymous June 24, 2013 at 9:40 am - Reply

    Lovely post. You have so beautifully summarized a lot of how I feel.

    I know good things will happen when they do. Till them my life right now is pretty darn good. 🙂

    I attended the Vipassana Medication Centre's 10 day camp at the main center in Igatpuri and it was truly amazing. Though I was just 21 then and probably not ready for something as intense as this(I went there as part of my b-school curriculum), but it left a profound impact on me. I do intend to go back there. I especially like the fact that they consciously keep away from religious messaging thereby making it easy for anyone from any faith or even an atheist to embrace it. I strongly recommend you pay them a visit.

    Thanks again for your wonderful post!

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