Healing from IVF

I knew that we’d be OK no matter how the IVF turned out.  I’ve had enough big blows in my life to know that…and I trust the process of healing that I have utilized in my life time and time again.

But bad news is still not fun.I thought I’d record here what it’s been like in the last week or so…

Overall, I’ve been doing really, really well.  But I’ve also had a few bouts of just feeling…”ugh…here we go again…more work ahead…more $$,$$$ ahead.”  I’ve already been through 9+ years of jumping through hoops and paying so much money (our insurance doesn’t cover any infertility or IVF costs).  Also, I’ve had this dead end feeling…from the reality that there really is something wrong with my body.  No matter the peace and health I have experienced or the trust I have had in myself or the process, or the treatments we have done, my body just doesn’t seem made to get pregnant.  It’s a sad thing to feel that something is wrong with your body…doesn’t matter what the health issue it is.

As I’ve gone in and out of feeling these things, my heart hasn’t exactly felt chipper.

And I’ve been completely aware of it.

And I am completely aware that if I chose to go that path of self-pity, it would poison my soul. It would poison my dear, dear marriage.  It would poison the light and the love that I try to cultivate.  It would poison the interactions that I have with others.  It would poison my attempts to feel at one with the Divine.

I know this.  I know that dark path very, very well.  I used to be on that path.  And I now don’t want to go near it.

I’ve developed one really awesome skill over the years and it has come in handy so many times to avoid going down that road:  if I am off track, I notice it immediately.  I am COMPLETELY aware of my state and what is happening.  You see, due to lots and lots of practice, it is not the norm for me to feel irritated, angry, burned out, etc.  And so I can really tell if I feel myself going there.  And for me, it’s safe to say those feelings are not welcome for long.  I just don’t want to dwell there as I know firsthand that it doesn’t do me or anyone else any good whatsoever.  And so, I do what has worked for me thousands and thousands of times…

I let gratitude envelop me.  Gratitude for the most amazing, loving husband in the world. Gratitude for my life and all that I can still do and contribute.  Gratitude for all the experiences that have led me to this place.  Gratitude for a body that can walk, talk, see, sleep.  Gratitude for a roof over head, healthy food, and this computer to write on.  Gratitude for this moment, as it’s moments like these that taught me the most valuable things I know.

I let love dominate my thoughts and help me to surrender.  I surrender out of love for Danny, for others, for life.

And you know what, it works.  It really, really, really works.

What do you do?  Do you have a strategy for turning around a bad moment? And, if you don’t…would you commit here to giving gratitude a try? Someone had me commit to this once. I followed through. And it was the beginning of huge changes for me.

P.S.  I’m writing today from PA!  I’m on a little business trip with Danny.  While he’s been in meetings, I’ve been blogging, which is a little trickier for me to do on the road.  But as always, I’ve been grateful for the gift this blog is to us every single day.  Thanks so much for your continued support and love.

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  1. vicky June 28, 2013 at 10:20 am - Reply

    mara, as always – so well put and such good timing for me! I needed this story…sending love.

  2. RATCH June 28, 2013 at 11:11 am - Reply

    I was glad to read this post and "hear" how you are doing. You have such a beautiful perspective of things. Years ago, I was going through something similar after the miscarriage of our IVF baby. I remember having very similar thoughts to yours… That my body just wasn't meant to carry babies. I was so angry and frustrated with my body. It was only about 10 months after that loss that I was cradling my new precious daughter in my arms. I remember thinking that even though she didn't come from my body that my arms could hold her. She could lay on my chest as I rocked her. I could kiss and cuddle her when she needed comfort. My legs could pace the halls with her on nights she was restless. I realized that while my body had failed in one way it was a complete success in another. My body, although not able to reproduce, was fully capable of successfully mothering. I was thankful for my body and for the things it could do. That doesn't mean I didn't have days I wasn't still sad or frustrated with its limits, I just tried to be thankful for what it was capable of.

    That sweet girl will be turning 10 this year and I've never had any complaints from her about my body or its limits… She's just happy when I have kitchen dance parties with her. 😉

    • Back Row Girl June 28, 2013 at 1:47 pm - Reply

      This is such a wonderfully put sentiment! It would have been easier, I suppose, to say, "Well, my body failed me, but at least I have my girl", but instead you saw that your body was just fine and could still do so many things (that many people take for granted).
      "I realized that while my body had failed in one way it was a complete success in another." – Am definitely going to remember that!

    • danny June 28, 2013 at 5:18 pm - Reply

      I also LOVED this! Thank you for sharing.

    • M June 28, 2013 at 9:54 pm - Reply

      I feel like I have made my peace with infertility, but this sentiment made that peace sink even deeper into my soul. This is a gorgeous perspective on infertility and adoption. Thank you!

  3. Gabrielle - Design Mom June 28, 2013 at 11:15 am - Reply

    Loved getting to see you and Danny last week, Mara. And I want to thank you for this post! My mind was headed to a dark place this morning, but I am going to sit still and let gratitude encompass me instead.

  4. Katy @ All Sorts of Pretty June 28, 2013 at 12:28 pm - Reply

    Bless you, sweet Mara. I was out of town when your terrible news hit the blogosphere and I've been thinking about you guys ever since. I love this post though so much – I have never really thought about using gratitude as a strategy when I'm feeling irritated or angry. I'm going to try it because really, a bad mood can ruin everything, right? Thanks for sharing your wisdom. Glad to hear you're picking up the pieces and putting them back together. Sending lots of love 🙂

  5. Julia Spencer June 28, 2013 at 12:44 pm - Reply

    That's a cool pic with the the smaller pic inside of you inside the bigger you. And a cool post. Thank you.

    • Sarah Stäbler June 28, 2013 at 2:54 pm - Reply

      I second that on the picture. And the post.

      Mara, you're amazing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

  6. Camille June 28, 2013 at 12:56 pm - Reply

    I love this (and you!), Mara. There's sooo much truth to learning to recognize when you're reacting a certain way (negative feelings, unhealthy behavior, etc.) and then choosing to not succumb. I've spent a lot of my life working on that, and just in case there's any doubt, let me also add that it's possible!
    Enjoy PA 🙂 A carload's worth of us DC2 girls are going up to visit my mom in Philly this weekend!

  7. Joseph Baron June 28, 2013 at 1:28 pm - Reply


    I am so sorry to hear of your loss, and infertility realty is loss of the worst kind. The child that is so wanted, and yet not there. I myself endured 4 rounds of failed IVf ( including miscarriage of twins, uterine infection etc) before having my first child via IVF. I now have three, healthy beautiful children, all born with IVF. I really want to reach out to you, and say that this failure is just a step in the process-honestly one, or two failed IVF cycles before success is totally normal and to be expected. My children are unequivocally the absolute best things in my life, and worth every failed cycle, every tear and misery that I endured with the IVF. Don't give up, this is an art, not an exact science-ad rug tweaked here-procedure tweaked there will change the entire equation. It is trial and ERRor, until it works. But you need to give it a chance to work-there is nothing you will fight more for in your life that will be as worth it. So, honestly I would say to you, brace yiourselves, dig in and make the desicion to fight for this and try again-IVF is not easy , and not for the faint of heart. Try again, I will be thinking of you!!

    • B July 1, 2013 at 8:32 pm - Reply

      I echo this same post. I too had two failed IVFs, one that ended in miscarriage. Determined not to give up, I found a new doctor (please check out the Sher Institute for Reproductive Medicine – they are my angels) and tried yet again. My little boy is turning one in 2 weeks and every amount of pain, every shot, every tear was worth it. Adoption is also beautiful and should never be considered an act of giving up – so I say, do both! Pursue both.

      Failure is part of IVF – you are one step closer. Try again!!

  8. Julie June 28, 2013 at 1:46 pm - Reply

    Great post! My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your husband. Thanks so much for you words of encouragement in this discouraging time.

  9. Erin June 28, 2013 at 2:58 pm - Reply

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with your body. Every person in the world cannot have a baby. Can you imagine the population explosion?! And who would take care of the babies given birth to by people who should not have babies or people who cannot raise them for some reason? The purpose of life is not necessarily to give birth as one of the essential living experiences. You are healthy! There is nothing wrong!

  10. Michelle June 28, 2013 at 2:59 pm - Reply

    thank you for your unconditional inspiration! you have a way of making even strangers feel cared about, and i think that is one of the biggest gifts in the world. i'm grateful that you do this!

  11. BethG June 28, 2013 at 3:37 pm - Reply

    Dear Mara,
    I cannot tell you how much your blog has helped me. My husband and I have done three I.U.I's and two I.V.F.'s. All five treatments did not end in a positive outcome. Like you, I did pursue alternative medicine as well. Unlike you, I went to the negative. Our doctor thinks that there is something genetically wrong with the embryos that I create. After hearing this we decided to go the adoption route. Throughout my process I was a mess. I cannot tell you how much respect and admiration I have for you because you have been working at it for nine years. I think that your outlook and strength is amazing; and when I was feeling down throughout our process I always turned to your blog.

    To answer your question about a strategy that I used for turning around a bad moment, my strategy was forward thinking and planning. I imagine that you and Danny probably do this as well. The minute I would get bad news I started on our next plan. For example, when the first I.V.F. didn't work we started working on biographies for adoption agencies while planning out the next treatment in tandem. When the second I.V.F. didn't work, I was on the phone with a social worker scheduling a home study. I don't necessarily recommend this method, I did become a bit obsessive. However, within a week of actively looking for a baby to adopt we were matched. Our baby was due two days ago and now I am just waiting for the call. She could always change her mind, but if that happens I think I will just work hard on finding another match. The thing is, you and I will both make terrific mothers. I am confident that those beautiful pictures of you and your husband will soon include a baby.

  12. Megan June 28, 2013 at 3:45 pm - Reply

    Mara – I want to say that it's also OK to feel crummy – I think you deserve to let yourself feel that as well and not always feel the need to rise above it, you know what I mean? It's a hard thing to go through and I think you owe it to yourself to also let yourself be sad. It's OK and normal to be sad. And to be mad! I really think it's healthy to let yourself grieve. By the way, I wondered if you ever checked out NYU's IVF grant program: http://www.nyufertilitycenter.org/nys_infertility_project I have a dear friend who has a five-year old little boy from them (from the grant!). She had done a million things beforehand and she's a very natural girl and it was hard for her to go that route (IVF) but she's (obviously!) so glad that she did! It didn't work the first time, and utterly deflated she really almost didn't do it again – the doctor's convinced her to try again and she now has her wonderful little boy.

    • 2dognite June 28, 2013 at 7:43 pm - Reply

      I concur with what Megan says about allowing yourself to be sad. I recently had my first IVF and while I did become pregnant, I soon miscarried. My first response was to be fine, fine, fine! I then crashed. I think it's healthy to surround yourself with love and positivity as you have done but to recognize the LOSS of a failed IVF and mourn that piece of hope you had sparkling inside of you. Balance is so key. I love your attitude and wish you all the best.

    • mara July 2, 2013 at 3:58 pm - Reply

      Hello! Thanks so much for your comments. I certainly know it's perfectly ok to feel crummy. I do sometimes, and I know there is nothing wrong with that. But for me, I don't like feeling that way. I spent most of my life feeling crummy and to me, it's the worst way to live. I've tasted what it's like to move on from those thoughts/feelings into peace and wholeness…and I have found that the journey away from the pain/sadness/grief/negativity is thousands of times more rewarding, empowering, healing, and healthy than dwelling in those feelings for long. So, the crumminess is a actually a great opportunity for me. I don't fear it or feel guilty about it, etc. I see it as a great moment to start the process of healing…the process of empowerment. That process is truly amazing – and I'm grateful for it every single day.

      Also, Megan – thanks for the info. about NYU!

  13. Camille Millecam Whiting June 28, 2013 at 3:55 pm - Reply

    I love that you stay real and honest while still staying positive!

    I try hard to find joy in the small things of life and to always have something to look forward to. Those kind of go hand and hand. Maybe it's a big thing like a trip, or a medium thing like a fun date with my husband, or maybe my favorite lunch that day, or time to read, or a good run, or maybe I indulge in new shoes on really rotten days! I think finding the joy in the small things and always looking forward to something can really get you through some awful and sad moments.

  14. Mairi June 28, 2013 at 4:04 pm - Reply

    I love you, Mara. I love your heart and soul. Your strength and honesty. Your freedom to be. I love reading your blog. I love following your journey. You inspire me. You give me hope and strength.

    Your words are full of light. The light that can only come from ture love. The love of/for God and your husband. You are blessed.

  15. Miggy June 28, 2013 at 5:44 pm - Reply

    Yes! I learned this "trick" from you guys. The week of my oldest daughters birthday was hectic. My husband was out of town so I was doing all the party prep by myself, I had a really bad bout of insomnia, the day before the party I had a fender bender in a parking lot and while the other car was fine my bumper got completely dented in. At that point I was stressed out, tired and just upset. THEN I focused on gratitude. I focused on how grateful I was to have a daughter to throw a party for in the first place. And what a gift to be able to throw a party. Then I thought about the fact that we even had a car–what a blessing. And while no one can ever really afford car repairs, the fact is we could afford to pay for it and I've definitely been in the position of not being able to even afford a car, let alone an accident. And while I wasn't exactly grateful for the insomnia, I was grateful I was able to see the Dr. that day and get some help (ie ambein) immediately. It literally changed my day. It was amazing. I should have been in the worst mood the rest of the day, but instead I felt really, really grateful and happy.

  16. Anonymous June 28, 2013 at 6:47 pm - Reply

    It's wonderful how much you do have to be grateful for, and what a lovely way to experience the world.

    Though you'll never know for sure, maybe another point of gratitude is not getting pregnant. Perhaps your body & nature know best and a pregnancy would threaten your health or just produce miscarriages or produce a baby who is not able to survive. I have a lot of faith in nature when we let her work her ways. One day you'll look back on your life with adopted children or no children and hopefully see that it all worked out for the best and as it was meant to.

    One other random thought… my friend dealt with infertility for 4 years, including medical interventions. Her body type was just like yours – very thin. She then purposefully gained 30 pounds and got pregnant soon after. Her body had been thinner than it wanted/needed to be to carry a baby. She said that the weight gain was tougher than the fertility treatments because it messed with her self-image and the vanity she didn't want to admit she has. Given all the doctors you've seen, it sounds like your body has other challenges, but just wanted to share in case it helps.

    • Anonymous June 29, 2013 at 1:36 am - Reply

      When I read about being to thin to have a baby, it sounded like an old wives tale at first, but what do you know, there are a few scientific studies out there that back this theory up.

  17. Sarah N June 29, 2013 at 2:39 am - Reply

    This is as much to Danny, who wrote a post ages ago, that I recently read, but it's about being grateful. I was harbouring some anger and bad vibes yesterday, and I was mindful of it. I got started on my daily bible reading, then I read the next days, and then some more. And then I took Danny's advice, and I prayed. I pray irregularly, even as a regular church goer. Then I read more of Mark (I think) and I realised, I need to pray and to truly believe what I ask for will be given. Man did it change things. The BF's three grateful things in bed, one was 'you were not cranky me when I got home' and I thought, wow, I prayed for help, and I got it. It worked. Thank you – for helping me to pray, and in that prayer, trust in the good of God, but the ability for me to feel good after feeling less than good. And I know, if you taught me this, you have it both within you, to grow and strengthen despite the disappointment of the IVF journey (PS awesome photos!)

    • danny June 29, 2013 at 3:40 am - Reply

      Thank you so much for sharing this experience. Few things could make me happier than to hear that you were able to make that kind of deeply meaningful connection.

      And thank you for your encouragement. We extend the same back to you and know you will find ways to experience the peace that you are seeking. Isn't it great how a little inspiration goes such a long way?

  18. Curly June 29, 2013 at 2:56 am - Reply

    Dear Mara and Danny,

    I've read your blog for quite some time, (and even recommended it to others), and have appreciated the enormity of spirit found here.

    It's ironic that you bring up the subject of gratitude in this way, because I feel like you both have helped me be more grateful for my most recent baby, born four months ago. This little guy is my fifth child, and has been, without a doubt, my most difficult baby. Between acid reflux, what appears to be a real temper for one so small, and his sleep issues combined with my own predisposition towards insomnia, I have found myself at the end of my rope at times. (There is legitimate reason behind why sleep deprivation is used as a torture technique!)

    That said, I have had countless moments in the middle of the night with him, where I have been on the verge of tears, worried about how I'm going to make it through the night, much less the many demands of my other four young children the next day, . . . and then I think of the two of you. Having gone through a few years of infertility myself in the past, (my first child is adopted), I consider the understood desire you both have had to cradle a child of your own, to love and nurture and comfort in that way . . . And in those moments I think, "I am going to savor this–all parts of it–for Danny and Mara." I sit and focus in those moments on how blessed I am to be enjoying this little one, how much you and so many others would love the same blessing, and then the clouds seem to lift, my burden feels a little lighter, and I know I can keep on going. In fact, those have been some of the most peaceful moments with my son. During our midnight vigils together I peer at his little face peeking up from my breast and I praise God for the opportunity to be his mother. So I just want to thank you– Thank you for the reminder to be grateful for the resplendence in my life–even when some of it seems clothed in more challenging difficulty at first. I am still
    so saddened by your disappointing loss. I know how badly you wanted this.

    However, I must tell you as a woman who has reached mothering from both biological and adoptive means, the miracle I experienced in my son's adoption was beyond anything I can describe. My husband and I still refer to it as our own "parting of the Red Sea," and I doubt that I have ever felt God's awareness and presence more in my life, than I did through that experience. I look forward to seeing what path to parenthood He has in store for you both, as I know it will be breathtaking.

    • danny June 29, 2013 at 3:37 am - Reply

      I love this comment! You have me and Mara both smiling deeply and feeling grateful, we really appreciate you sharing.

      Cicero says something quite profound when he states "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others." It is no surprise to me that even in the midst of insomnia meltdown…a little deliberately pursued gratitude could offer such a profound change. Mara and I feel that often, as it is one of the virtues we turn to when everything else seems to fail. Even if the only thing to be grateful for is the awful experience itself, because it comes to you as a teacher to show you just how deep peace is able to penetrate through all the layers and fog, if we let it. I can't imagine peace getting there without gratitude playing its part.

      And thank you also for sharing about adoption. Mara and I have spent the last two weeks talking about adoption and know that as far away as it may seem in this very moment…we both know that we will quite likely feel as you described…and so we look forward to it, including any of the challenges that it may bring that will give us cause to invite peace to accompany us in our journey.

      Thanks again for sharing…and good luck with your little ones 🙂

  19. Diane June 29, 2013 at 1:01 pm - Reply

    I am so deeply sorry that the IVF process did not yield a healthy pregnancy for you. I remember you in my prayers.

    Today I woke up in sorrow, which seems to me to be an authentic and an "OK" emotion. Unfortunately, I often complicate sorrow by heaping on frustration, anxiety, anger, etc. How much better to recognize the sorrow and companion it with gratitude, perspective, and compassion for myself and others. Thank you, Mara and Danny, for the very helpful reminder this morning! This isn't the first time that I have woken up with one emotion, read your blog, and then changed my mind (and heart) about what was healthy for me and for those around me. I feel grateful for you.

    • danny June 29, 2013 at 4:21 pm - Reply

      Diane, I think you've said it perfectly. The sorrow itself is not inherently a bad thing. Like you said it can be authentic and okay. It is when we complicate it with emotional responses that will bring no peace that we must be careful.

      So wisely stated, I completely agree with you.

  20. Anonymous June 29, 2013 at 3:51 pm - Reply

    I am sorry the IVF did not work this time. You are in my thoughts. I want to let both of you know how grateful I am for you. Two people I've never met who have been a help to me with my struggles with fear and anxiety! Thank you for this post Mara. It's so helpful how you wrote it, explaining in detail what you do when the dark path shows up. It was so helpful to me. I think about you both and am so thankful to be able to learn from your writings and wisdom. Thank you Mara and Danny.

  21. Bonnie June 29, 2013 at 7:52 pm - Reply

    I am so sorry about your IVF! I don't pretend to know how it feels, but I am so sorry for you. You are a wonderful woman and so brave to share your life–the highs and the lows. I know you inspire many. I enjoy peeking into your blog once in a while. I admit I don't read every post, but browse often. Always I feel uplifted and never do I feel it has been time wasted. In fact–I used to teach Seminary (LDS) and I shared your story of the your lost bag and ipad computer that you recovered from the flight attendant who was less than honest. I thought it was a great story and the kids loved it–it was a good lesson on honesty and we had a great time discussing it.

    I know what you mean about "feeling" when you are just not right and are maybe moving towards that dark place. I was once in a dark place–have had much life experience that was less than "fun" and I too have learned how to stop myself and send myself to another direction! I guess its what we learn from life lessons!! Once again–thanks for sharing your life!!

    • Anonymous June 29, 2013 at 8:54 pm - Reply

      Bonnie, would you share what you do to stop yourself from going to a dark place?

    • Bonnie July 4, 2013 at 3:25 am - Reply

      Hello, anonymous. I hope you can find this response and read it. These things really do help me: I call a friend (trusted of course) or sometimes its my sister to go for a drive, get a coke, or just chat. Being alone doesn't help me–loneliness makes it worse. I also try to get outside if I can–weather sometimes hinders that, but if I can a good walk always helps. Or go to the gym. It is magical–working out really puts things in perspective for me–I guess it's the endorphins. I try to look for something to do for someone else–whether its make a meal for someone in need, tend a child or give someone a ride or call someone who I know has a trial and just check on them and ask how they are doing. And last but not least I PRAY…a lot! I pray continually in my mind and heart if I have to. I hope this helps. And if you need professional help, please don't hesitate to get it. Good luck to you and let me know how you are doing. You can respond here if you like!

  22. Joe and Joanne June 30, 2013 at 1:45 am - Reply

    I love this post. Thank you so much for sharing. I learned a long time ago also that gratitude will help bring light into the dark places. You asked what strategies we use to help us through trials. For me, it's music. Heavenly Father has given me such a love for music and draws me nearer to Him through it. There's a power in music; definitely a divine power. You'll continue to be in my prayers as you go through the healing process.

  23. linnrut June 30, 2013 at 2:59 am - Reply

    I've been reading your blog for a while and this post really resonated today. I've gone through some things with my own family lately and it's so easy to go down that dark alley and basically let negativity take over. I love the idea of focusing on gratitude because we do have so much to be thankful for! My husband and I have also been praying the scriptures, particularly Psalms 121.

  24. Anonymous June 30, 2013 at 10:02 am - Reply

    Looking at the recent pictures of you Mara, you are so so thin. I used to be just your shape. There was no way my body would let me get pregnant when there was barely enough nutrition for myself…its a basic evolutionary fact.
    I'm sure you guys know this already and there is a lot more to it also.
    Having said that, please don't think I'm being too harsh or critical, I honestly think it may help you as it did for me.

    Your blog is amazing, so honest and well written…and I love how you guys are SO in love.
    Take care of yourselves and enjoy today

  25. dervla @ The Curator June 30, 2013 at 3:44 pm - Reply

    Beautiful words, Mara. Your ability (and Danny's too) to feel joy in the face of sorrow makes you braver than you'll ever know (or perhaps you do know, and that's good too). Enjoy your trip to PA. My parents live there, so i'm there often 🙂

  26. Cristee Trowbridge July 1, 2013 at 5:06 pm - Reply

    I just wanted to let you know that I admire you staying on the path of positive especially when it seems negative. I love when my son says, "God took the bad, and made it into good." God will take this "bad" and turn it into good. I noticed that you said the doctor wanted to figure out what went wrong and you said that something is wrong with your body. I know that feeling, but remember there is a reason for this and you will discover that what you are going through will seem right in the end. Ephesians 3:20-21 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

  27. shugarlove.com July 1, 2013 at 10:19 pm - Reply

    Oh, Mara. I can feel your pain. I am so happy to hear you have the support and love from your loved ones. I have so much respect and admiration for you chronicling your journey. You are an incredible human being. I don't know why sad things happen to amazing people like you. One of life's mysteries, I guess. I do know that you are a blessing in this world and it sounds like you already know that.

    When I feel especially low, I try to look at what I have and not what I don't have. Most of us in the U.S. live pretty privileged lives. We don't struggle the way people outside our country do. I surround myself with love and immerse myself with what I love doing (blogging, reading, dancing, traveling). It helps to get me centered.

    On a more superficial level, I survived my divorce and all the aftermath of the heartache through Zumba and eating right. I started to move my booty with good vibes and met some amazing ladies at my dance studio. It was fun to have a sense of community with strong women.

    I hope you and Danny can one day have all you wish for. You deserve that and so much more!

    Carmen {shugarlove.com}

  28. RunningMama July 2, 2013 at 3:10 am - Reply

    You have long since learned to accept that you cannot control your life and there are no guarantees. IVF is a process in an d of itself. Having been through 9 cycles of IVF with two living and one stillborn child, I can tell you not to give up, but also not to be complacent and just do whatever your doctor says. Research. Research. Research. Try different protocols, different doctors, different transfer days, different supplements, different alternative therapies. I know you have gone through a lot to get to your current RE, but there are many iterations on IVF that makes a difference. Best of luck.

  29. Tanya July 2, 2013 at 9:36 am - Reply

    My first born son was born with a heart defect. I never wanted him to feel different because of because he really hasn't had any issues thus far, he is 6. I decided that along time ago that I needed to stop saying that there was something wrong and rather remember that his heart is made differently. Sometimes being different is a blessing that takes us down a better road. There is nothing wrong with your body; it is just different. Your body is uniquely made for Mara. I was really surprised when you decided to finally do IVF; I never got the impression that you felt it was the right fit. I know the feeling of wanting some thing so bad that you are willing to try anything, but I honestly thought that you would turn toward adoption. I am adopted and I know first-hand how important it is to grow up in a loving family when you are adopted. Being adopted can be really hard no matter how wonderful the circumstances are, but when you have a loving family it is the difference. I can't think of two better people to adopt. I know adoption can be a hard process, but I also know that eventally you will get a baby. There no gambling perse, it's just waiting. I wish you all the best; I know that there is no way that there is not a sweet little spirit that will join your family. Until then continue to enjoy your time together:)

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  31. LMM69 August 29, 2013 at 6:55 pm - Reply

    I came across your blog, specifically this post, today while doing some IVF googling. I'm in my 2ww for my 3rd and what will most likely be our last FET. I do not feel hopeful that it worked (I am using my own eggs at the age of almost 44). I want to thank you for this very profound post that really resonated with me. This process has been gruelling to say the least, and the only defense I've managed to find that keeps me somewhat sane is to look for gratitide in my life, and constantly remind myself of what i'm so grateful for. I find myself thankful for things many of us consider simple, or something most of us take for granted, like the fact I have 10 working fingers and toes. Or the fact that I can hear music, and smell flowers. It has made me less materialistic (not that I was that much so in the first place). I know these things don't take away the pain I feel of not being able to get pregnant or have a child, but it helps minimize that void somehow and makes me rethink life in general. I know there are people in much worse circumstances than me, and my heart goes out to them. I guess what I'm saying is that IVF has taught me how to have a much more widespread, and greater perspective in life. I wish you well on your journey and I thank you for walking along with us on ours.

  32. Joan Price October 22, 2013 at 1:33 am - Reply

    Thanks for the share! I too had a failed ivf and really understand what you are going through both mentally and physically. Personally when I had my failed ivf I became really upset and depressed and began to push away those I love. It is really great to see how well you have embraced everything going on and you truly are a great inspiration for other women like me out there. Thanks :)!

  33. ميمي November 19, 2013 at 5:00 pm - Reply

    Dear Mara, I know how you feel,,, your blog such a comfort for me,, I just had my 6 faild ivf.
    And I was so depressed. But after reading your blog and the comment I am grateful for everything in my life and for you. Thanks.

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