My First Time on the News

Today I went to the Time Warner Building to tape a little segment for Headline News, Raising America with Kyra Phillips.  Kyra wanted to talk about infertility and they wanted to include me in the conversation, which was very cool.  She also invited her own infertility doctor from Reproductive Biology Associates (in Atlanta) to join in.  (Kyra had twins at age 42 via IVF.)

The night before, I spoke with the producer and she told me they wanted to bring up some fertility “myths” or topics that are not discussed enough – and they wanted the doctor and I to give commentary. The topics were related to age, food, supplements, etc.  I was a little bummed, because I was hoping I could talk a bit about the emotional/spiritual aspect of infertility.

Wellllll…..something cool happened.  During my conversation with the producer, she wanted to hear more about what my journey has been like.  I filled her in.  ðŸ™‚  I told her that I actually feel grateful for the experience because I have learned so much.  She couldn’t believe it.

The next morning I got an email.  She said they decided to change the show!!  They wanted to have me share a bit of my story – and share about how I’ve been able to be at peace.  Bam.  I was relieved. To me, that part is what matters most.  I couldn’t believe they decided to change things around.

And then…what to wear?!?  Is it just me or is it always such a task to figure out what wear?  It’s actually not my favorite thing to do.  I was so happy to have my new scarf handy.  But I wasn’t sure if the studio would want me to wear a scarf on camera…

So I threw my old standby flower in a bag as a back-up accessory, just in case.

I was so lucky to have Danny snuggle me tight that morning before he went to work.  He gave me the sweetest “I believe in you” pep talk.  That man has a gift of saying things that you can feel in your core.

It turns out the doctor and I were patched into the show from separate locations.  And I sat in a dark recording studio staring at this…


Then I heard Kyra’s voice through my ear piece.  She was super kind and asked us each a few questions.  The whole thing was over in like 3 minutes – so really not much time at all.  Though I hope I said something good.  At least I know the doctor liked it 🙂  At the end, I think he actually said to me: “You are my hero!”  Is that not so sweet?  I can’t wait to hear how it all turned out. I’m told it will air on Friday.

P.S.  Afterwards I went downstairs to Whole Foods, a store I could spend hours in.  For the first time today, I realized I probably wouldn’t be able to peruse every aisle like I do if I had kids in tow.  haha.  I guess going to the News interview would have been an ordeal in itself, too.  I seriously have so much freedom right now.  How different life will be with kids.  How do you moms make everything happen?  Do you get baby-sitters?  Have regular nannies or have family nearby?  Or do you have baby-sitting swaps?  Or maybe you manage it on your own?  I’m so curious about what works for you all.

xo,  M

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  1. Well done! How great you got to share the true essence of your message. I have 4 boys and I've never had help aside for my husband and the odd family to babysit for an event. In saying that, I only added 1 at a time so I got used to life with each new addition. I had them close together and they are now 7, 6, 4 and 3 and it is really paying off now! They are the best of buddies! It's a crazy busy time but it doesn't last forever – it goes so fast – you just fumble your way through and grow and learn and enjoy these little souls! For me personally, I wouldn't have wanted a Nanny or even to put them into daycare…it is with the greatest of joys that I have had the opportunity to spend these years with my babies.

  2. EllaY May 15, 2013 at 12:31 pm - Reply

    Thanks for sharing! You are such an inspiration. Will you post the video so we can hear what you said about fertility? (I'm on a similar fertility journey as you are. I don't like the term infertility! We're fertile in our own ways). I'd love to see it!

  3. Thelma May 15, 2013 at 12:44 pm - Reply

    Good for you! You look adorable, and it's great that you were able to talk about what matters most to you! As for Whole Foods…I'm smitten as well! I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I just like smelling the place! I have 1 little boy (and I had him when I was 42!), so when he was younger, my trips to Whole Foods were not exactly relaxing! He would inevitably have to go to the bathroom when we were at the far end of the store with a full cart of groceries…what to do? You gotta go! But, these things just don't end up bothering you, and become funny stories later on. Babysitters, daycare, nannies, friends, family…everyone just makes it work out, and you will too! I think you'll treasure every moment, and you definitely have the right attitude! One way or another, it WILL happen, we're routing for you!

  4. Anonymous May 15, 2013 at 2:10 pm - Reply

    I just wanted to say that I think it's wonderful that you realize that you have tons of freedom right now and you're enjoying it and doing great things. I have two boys and I don't get babysitters very often. Frankly, I just do a lot less and life is more about them right now. If I had realized how much free time I really had before kids, I would have done more! You will make a great mother and I wish you all the best.

  5. Kathryn Melzer May 15, 2013 at 4:22 pm - Reply

    Congrats on the news show. Exciting.

    For the first year after Leta and Annie (the second twins) I didn't go anywhere. With nursing infants and twins that just turned 3- it just wasn't feasible. I just had to completely surrender myself to being a stay at home mom. Literally. I remember going on a family "vacation" three hours away when Leta and Annie were about 11 months. It was the first time I had traveled more than 15 minutes from my home since they were born. It really wasn't bad when I had the right attitude though.
    I still don't get babysitters much, but it is easier now to do a few things. I don't get the fancy life – but I'm sure my freedom will come all too soon (having them all so close means they grow up in a blink). I could leave them often, I could go on more girls night outs…but for now I choose my kids over my personal life. I choose saving money over relaxation. When you have children, how "strapped down" you are is all in your choice and your attitude. You can choose to browse the isle of Whole Foods at your leisure even if you have 20 kids – you just will have to pay an awesome babysitter or be okay with them tearing apart the store.

  6. Jenny D. May 15, 2013 at 4:30 pm - Reply

    I also think it's wonderful that you realize and enjoy the freedom you have right now. I have three kids and have been able to stay home with them, which is such a blessing. I also live away from my family and have gone through a period of single motherhood. Mara, you just do it! You learn and grow with your children as each new stage and new personality presents something new. You can rely on your family, friends, or whatever resources you need that are around you, but you also adapt. You realize how much you can actually get done with one arm! I certainly find times to get out by myself, take time away with my husband, and those times are really nice and necessary, but it doesn't take long for my arms to start itching for those little people and to be back in the chaos.

  7. Tina Mihaescu May 15, 2013 at 4:34 pm - Reply

    Good for you! You looked great and no doubt provided lots of inspiration. I have a 3 month old baby girl thanks to IVF, and get this….my water broke in a Whole Foods here in SF. How is that for cliche? On my due date as well…I hit the labor story jackpot! I too love walking up and down the aisles taking it all in but haven't been able to do that since my water broke:-) But I have breast fed on the benches in front of the store many a time now. So far we have had no nannies or sitters, she is too young for that and refusing the bottle. What can I say she likes her milk straight from the tap:-)

  8. Brittons of Provo May 15, 2013 at 5:05 pm - Reply

    I have four boys (5,4, almost three, and one due in August), and I have so much fun with them that I am okay that I don't get to do as much. We also live in New York City, and the thought of taking them on the Subway by myself terrifies me. I am so impressed with the moms I see here who do it all the time. We just find the cool activities to do near our house, and have lots of library and park days. I do have a lot of help and support, even though we are far away from family, so I think that's important…have a sisterhood of people around you to help out when you need it, but by and large you will probably do most things on your own! Just make sure you plan on everything taking 30-60 min longer than you anticipated. For example, if I plan for us to leave for church at 10:45-11:00, (it starts at 11:30 and is 10 min. away) we usually end up getting there with a few minutes to get settled. You don't always know what will come up, but something usually does! Good luck, I am sure you were able to share a beautiful testimony about your story.

  9. Christy May 15, 2013 at 5:10 pm - Reply

    You manage, and then you teach your children from a young age how great Target is so they get excited to go! I have a 3 year old and nearly 1 year old. We may run to one store maybe two but never more than that. I do my own wandering at stores when they are in bed and my husband is home. We lived in DC with the first and could not afford sitters nor were there any close so we just took him with us. If family.visited we might take one night to go on a date. Now we live in suburban Dallas and babysitters grow on trees. We go on more dates, but I prefer to be the one to put them to bed.

  10. Erin May 15, 2013 at 5:30 pm - Reply

    I am so excited to see the show! And as for perusing aisles, you still can! It's so fun to talk to your little ones and tell them all about the things you like or things you want to try and then see what perks their interest! If I have to go somewhere that absolutely will not be appropriate for kids my husband comes along, or a friend in a pinch, I don't want someone I don't know to watch them like a service, and really I don't want to pay someone anyway and my mom doesn't live here so…but most places just accept that you are a mom and thus you come with kid. Especially if you have just one kid, so easy! but I'm speaking as a mom who has 3!

  11. Erin May 15, 2013 at 5:37 pm - Reply

    Oh, and as for your outfit, way cute! Oh, and getting dressed is also not my favorite, especially in the age of fashion blog/pinterest overload! It seems like I always need a neon belt or some crap like that…

  12. Sonel May 15, 2013 at 5:50 pm - Reply

    I have a toddler and another on the way. I feel like I have more freedom now than before I had a baby! For one thing I'm a stay at home mom now and so my time is my own. We work our day around naps, but other than that it's easy! We moved to the city when my son was 10 months and that made all the difference. Strollers are fun and there's always something for him to see so I still take my time in stores. I make sure to always incorporate some park time into our adventures and that keeps him totally content. For appointments that aren't child friendly I do a baby-sitting swap with my friend and upstairs neighbor. We trade watching the kids several times a week. Like everyone else said, you just figure it out as you go, but for the most part it's a simple transition.

  13. Anonymous May 15, 2013 at 8:11 pm - Reply

    I pretty much manage on my own. I have family nearby, but I try not to call on them too often. You get used to it. It's no big deal. Going to the store with kids is a pretty traumatic event for them and for me. Basically, having kids is the bomb, but we keep outings to a minimum. Once in a blue moon, I'll have my husband watch them on a Saturday so I can go clothes shopping. I shopped with the kids until a couple years ago. But them running under the dressing room door just wasn't working for us. It's okay. There is never a perfect stage in life. If there were, you would be all too sad when it's over. Every stage can be great, but always has its hard times.

  14. LM May 16, 2013 at 1:22 am - Reply

    My husband and I take turns having a night out. For him that is usually his soccer game, for me it is cross-country skiing, Stitch and B*tch, the Bookstore or getting highlights done. Stores aren't hard with our little one, maybe because he is still a baby, and just likes to see everything and have me talk to him about stuff. I lost track of all the places I breast fed while he was tiny.
    As far as childcare, I accept help from anyone who offers that I trust. This isn't easy, but really, I know a lot of women who just love to care for a little one for the night, either because their own kids are big, because they don't have a child of their own, or they just remember how hard it is to get out when your kids are small. Most people won't offer if they don't mean it, and they certainly won't offer twice.
    Since we don't have much family in town, eventually finding a sitter was imperative, and I was really nervous about it. I did all the requisite things, child abuse registry checks, police background checks, reference checks… but after interviewing a few people, I found that my instinct was key. You really can get a sense of people just by asking them questions. I also pay the sitters for extra time, so that I can hang out and chat with them a bit and our son gets comfortable with them before we leave. Since I hire women in their 20s, both education majors, both cleared to do practicums in schools with kids, it isn't cheap, so an extra hour comes at a high price. I am lucky we have the money to do this, but no matter how you swing it, you have to go on a date as often as you can. The day to day demands of raising a little one, no matter how sweet the experience is, can draw your focus away from staying connected as a couple. Kids need their parents to stay in love.

  15. MaKaela May 16, 2013 at 2:16 am - Reply

    Even the simplest tasks will take two to three times as long to complete in the beginning after you have kids. But as they get older it slowly gets easier. This coming from a Mom of a three and one year old!

  16. Cristee Trowbridge May 16, 2013 at 2:39 am - Reply

    I love that you wanted to talk about the emotional and spiritual part. I think that is 99.9% of what was important in my journey through infertility. I met amazing people through our 7 years and 7 IVF attempts and I grew to know God and His character and His plan for me and it wouldn't have happened without infertility. Now my husband and I have two wonderful children through adoption, ages 6 and 3. The joys of children will be more rewarding than free time, but free time is a must! Take time for yourself and with your husband when you can. Find a good babysitter and pay her/him well. Rely on friends for play date/babysitting.

  17. Katy @ All Sorts of Pretty May 16, 2013 at 11:57 am - Reply

    I can't WAIT to see your segment! Question for you though: do you ever consider adoption? Just curious. Thanks! 🙂 xoxo

    • mara May 16, 2013 at 1:28 pm - Reply

      Absolutely! We're about 1 year into the IVF process (finding the right doctor, doing tests, and now prepping for transfer), and we wouldn't want to start adoption procedures until we know what's going to happen.

      But, adoption is absolutely something we think about and would consider doing later even if the IVF is successful.

  18. Katy @ All Sorts of Pretty May 16, 2013 at 5:30 pm - Reply

    That's great! I was just wondering. Fingers and toes crossed for the IVF to be successful though. Thanks for the response, Mara, and as always, your candor and transparency.

  19. Martha May 20, 2013 at 5:10 am - Reply

    way to go for changing the tone/conversation. you are an amazing lady.

  20. Alainarae May 20, 2013 at 2:50 pm - Reply

    I can't wait to watch the segment! I doubt people are used to hearing someone say they are grateful for a trial, so I'm sure it got their attention 🙂

    I have three boys, 5 1/2, 4, and 1. I live in a regular suburban town, so it's not like I have to maneuver them through city streets, so I can't complain about taking them out with me. It's no picnic, but I manage. I live across the country from family, so very little help. I'll get a babysitter from church every now and then, but I have had a couple bad experiences with teenagers, so I prefer to just accept help from adults if they offer, or I swap babysitting with my good friend if we need to get our hair done or go to the dentist.

    Target is the best, because they have carts that can accommodate all three of my children. Also, games on the Kindle and iphones are lifesavers for my big boys. I once took them antiquing with me and they sat on some old chairs and played games the whole time while I shopped with the baby on my back 🙂 It can be done!!

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