Dear readers, I often hear of people joining up together or bonding together as a couple because they have experienced similar pains/trials or have similar baggage. They feel they understand what each other has gone through, which is oh-so-comfortable. This negative part of their lives can easily become the main reason they feel connected and is often the topic of their conversations.
Doesn’t that sound familiar???
OK – this is not always necessarily a bad thing.
BUUUT – may I kindly suggest that if PAIN & NEGATIVITY are the main reason two people are attracted together and the main reason two people feel comfortable with each other, that it might not be the best foundation for a relationship.
I learned this when I met Danny. SO many people said to us, “Oh – how perfect that you both have been married before – – you guys will just be able to understand each other because of all that you have been through.”
Yes. But that is not at all the reason we bonded. That is not the reason we felt comfortable with each other. Thankfully that is not the reason we were perfect for each other.
We felt attracted to each other because of the POSITIVE PATH we both were on, the lives we were living and wanted to continue living, and the respect and admiration we had for each other’s character. The foundation of our relationship was not based on bonding over and rehashing the negative pain we had experienced. In fact, we rarely even talked about that part or made it a focus of our conversations. Instead, we talked about the wisdom we had gained and the love and positivity we were trying to cultivate in our lives. And let me tell you – bonding over positive things makes for one beautiful foundation in a relationship. 🙂
Do you agree, disagree? Would love to hear your thoughts!