Recently I was talking to some of my single friends here in Brooklyn.
In New York, many of the single women here are professionals. They’ve graduated from college, they have good jobs, and they are paying their own rent here in the city. And so most all of them are in a place and age in life where they’d love to be married. One woman said to me recently, “You know, we are all just trying to make the most of this, but deep down we’re just so over being single and would just LOVE to be married.”
Oh man. It really does make my heart ache.
SO, I hope to write a bit more about how to thrive during that time.
(6) Tips for Single Women…
1. Let go of trying to be everywhere at once, stressing about trying to make yourself available at all times possible. Dating takes SO MUCH TIME & EFFORT! I know! Add up the primping, shopping, commuting, socializing, dating, trying to go to every party you ever hear about, etc. It’s a lot. And it’s not like you’re in high school anymore with carefree days and no bills to pay. So guard your time a little bit. Care for yourself. Get the sleep you need. Do your laundry, wash mascara off your face at night, water your plants. hahaha (I needed to take my own advice as I could barely fit in any of these things when I was single. Just this week, I am finally going to work on replacing all my plants that died when I was dating Danny. 🙂
2. Focus the energy a bit more on your own talents, lives, charitable efforts, personal character development, spiritual development, hobbies, and endeavors, etc. In other words, live your life to the fullest. As mentioned in the last post, do not wait for life to begin when you meet a mate.
3. Develop your own network of like-minded people, both single, married, old and young. I think it’s easy for single people to be grouped with single people and for married people to be grouped with married people. But I think there can be great value in spreading out your network. Not only will it enrich your life, but it can lead to great connections.
4. Work on truly defining for yourself the kind of person that you want to be (and the kind of life that you want to live.) Defining this is a very. big. deal. But I can’t stress this enough. Defining this while you are single and then beginning to truly live and breath the kind of life you want prior to marriage is worth GOLD!!!! Again, you have to live and breath it yourself in order to be able to recognize it in a potential partner. (Start practicing it now! 🙂
5. Be bold about expressing to those around you the kind of person that you are. Anyone who knows you should know what you’re all about. This outward way of living (aka vulnerability at it’s finest) is key to meeting and connecting with people who are like you. As they say, your reputation can precede you, which can be a good thing, too, as it can just automatically attract like-minded people to you.
6. Be open with your network about the fact that you would love to meet someone, if that’s the case. Don’t shy away from this or be embarrassed. Often times people in your network won’t know exactly if you’re dating or wanting to be in a relationship, etc. And it helps to put a bug in their ear, as otherwise they may not think of it. I was always saying to friends, “So tell me about the dream guy that you are going to set me up with.” 🙂 Of course, these were friends I trusted, friends that knew what I was all about. And bless their hearts, they did set me up. They jumped through hoops, they got email addresses, they played matchmaker over and over. It saved me a lot of schlepping and time. Nearly every person I dated after my divorce was someone I got set up with. Including my dear husband, Danny, who lived all the way in Boston. 🙂