On Christmas night, we saw my cousin and his wonderful wife. They have done two IVFs that did not work out and since they were veterans, she gave me some WONDERFUL advice as we were going to start our IVF medications the next day. She said,
"I know this sounds crazy, but enjoy the process."
During her IVFs, she focused on being grateful for the science that made it possible for them to try at all. And even though she didn't get pregnant, she was glad they had the experience as it was a part of their incredible journey (they are now seeking to adopt! Their adoption profile is here.)
Danny and I were determined to make the best of this experience, too. But, I was still profoundly thankful for her words sounding strongly in my head as we opened the first packages of injections, which we were to administer each night at home: "ENJOY THE PROCESS. ENJOY THE PROCESS." :)
Danny was the best at reviewing the directions and knowing what to do. He was soooo sweet and attentive about the whole thing.
And with that, it happened. We kissed and gave each other high fives and even felt giddy.
We are now on Day 9 of this process, and well, somehow my cousin's words have rang true! We really have enjoyed it. I consider it a little miracle. I know I have been extremely lucky as I haven't had any physical or emotional reactions to the medications (hugely lucky, here). But most of all, the peace I've made with infertility has been at it's best. Instead of being full of anxiety and stress, I am calm and just full of curiosity and amazement regarding the possibilities. Instead of being consumed by fear and attached to a certain outcome, we have just both been full of more intense love and kindness and compassion for each other. Somehow we feel tighter than ever as a little family - and feel like real future parents.
Um, see what I mean about this being a miracle? As I write this out, I, too, am thinking, "How on earth?" Part of me wants to hold back from writing this out as I know this is such a sensitive and difficult experience for so many. But, the other part of me still wants to share, as my cousin did for me. Perhaps someone out there can say in her head, "Enjoy the process" - and it can make a difference, as it did for me.
P.S. For any IVF veterans out there, you probably know that by now we've had ultrasounds and know what the progress is looking like. So far, things are not looking as good as they'd like. The chances of this being successful are lower than expected. But our nurse said to have positive thoughts and to still plan on it happening. :) I loved her positivity. She said all you need is one healthy embryo. So, we are planning on it happening. I've even been nesting and the last two nights we've been at Ikea staring at Pax wall units to figure out how to maximize space in our kids' room. :) (Tell me, do moms prefer shelves or drawers for kids' clothes, shoes, toys & supplies?)
P.P.S. I've decided to make "Enjoy the Process" my theme for 2013, no matter what we have ahead. :) Want to join me?
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