03 October 2012

Love Story: Two Confessions. Really Good Ones. :)

                                                                                      Photo by Justin Hackworth - Greenwich, NYC
Readers - remember this post: Would I Be Enough?  I was not on my A-game and had a moment of fear/anxiety about what was going to happen with Danny and I...but... I was able to turn things around.  :)  

Well, I decided to tell Danny what I did.....and his response blew me away.   :) 
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DANNY........

I AM DYING OVER HERE!!!!!  :) :) :)  haha.

Your email made me cry happy tears.  I am completely overcome right now with feelings of love for you and so much emotion that I just don't know what to think.  Can I even believe that this is not a dream??  Do I dare let myself go there and believe that what we have is still real?  I am still shocked at all of this!  I never thought I'd meet a man that I could admire and love as much as I do you.

                                                                                        Photo by Justin Hackworth - Greenwich, NYC
And - I wanted to tell you something.  Remember you said you noticed a difference in me between Saturday and Sunday?  Well, there was a difference.  :)  haha.  I could tell, too.  But I didn't tell you why.  It turns out that I had been noticing earlier that I wasn't being my best self.  I started to feel a bit of anxiety, wondering if you were still loving me in person.  It's like it was just too good to be true and I didn't want it to end.  But I hated feeling that fear.  And so Sat. pm and Sun. am, I just prayed and tried to center myself again with what really matters so that I could just be more comfortable again.  And it worked!!! :)  And you noticed!  I couldn't believe you noticed!  Anyway, I hope and pray that I can continue to be at peace and know that no matter what happens, it will be ok.  
 
                                                                                                Photo by Justin Hackworth - Greenwich, NYC
Anyway, I love you.  I love that I can write what I just did.  I want nothing more than to be my best self for you.  Though I hope we can also love each other even when we are not our best selves.  That's when it's a pretty dang good kind of love.  And I love it that we know we are both so capable of that.

And YES, Danny, you are more dear to me now than before.  I still can't believe the moment I first saw your face.  Everything that I dreamed of was there.... meaning you exuded everything good.  Just the sight of you confirmed to me that you WERE indeed everything that I hoped you were.  And I am not even talking about that oh so handsome face of yours.  It's the spirit and love and genuine happiness and positivity and good energy that you exude.  I love it all!

                                                                                   Photo by Justin Hackworth - Greenwich, NYC

Know that all your kind words to me just meant the world.  You have no idea.  Thank you, thank you for being so generous with your expressions of love to me, both in person and in writing.  It means so much.  And, crazy that this is just the beginning!  We are two people that have only spent 48 hours together.  haha.  So many good experiences to come..........

Danny, I remain very much in love with you.  And so dangerously attracted to you.  :)   

Thanks, again, for your WONDERFUL email.  I will read it many, many times.

I am already excited to see you again.

With so very much love,

Mara

                                                                                       Photo by Justin Hackworth - Greenwich, NYC
Mara,

You're right...that email did come with a lot of love! 

Confession:  I sensed your apprehension the day before.  And so, on Sunday morning, I also prayed for you.  I prayed that you could let go of that anxiety and fear and just be your best self.  In fact, I prayed that for BOTH of us.  I knew I couldn't get to know the real you if either of us were holding back with unnecessary fears and anxiety.  I wanted you to be you, the same Mara that had been writing me for weeks.  HOW'S THAT!  And then after I prayed, I read our emails for an hour before I came in to wake you up.  I knew in the first 30 minutes that things were different.  I love knowing that you prayed for the same thing. 

Darling, I could take an hour or two writing back to you about all the wonderful things you just wrote to me (and I'll probably be writing more), but I wanted you to at least get that little treasure first.  Thank you for writing what you did, for continuing to be honest with me.  Mara, I really want to know all of the real you!  I already know so much of that person, and I love it, every bit.  So please, continue to be open with me, continue to let your guard down with me, and I will continue to do the same. 

With great adoration,

Danny

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Have you guys done anything special while dating - to help yourself feel confident?  I'm sure every single person reading would love to hear.


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10 comments:

  1. Good Morning you guys! Before I met my boyfriend (and future husband!), I went on a series of blind dates. I was dating online and so until we met in person, each man that I spoke to only knew me from my e-mails (sound familiar?). By the time I met a few of them in person, I would get so nervous, and care more about how they were judging me, than enjoying myself and seeing if the date was a good match. And so, on my way to one of my last dates before I met the man I would fall in love with, I was freaking out about what I was going to wear and, in a moment of clarity, I just decided to let go. I decided that my outfit didn't matter, that my hair being perfect didn't matter, that if there was a connection with someone it would be there because we were meant to be. And you know what? Making this decision worked.

    I went on the date that night with this newly strengthened sense of self, and while that date didn't go very well, just a few days later I met my love. I approached the situation by simply being myself and it has allowed us to share an incredible romance and an incredible love as we take this journey into love together. To anyone else out there feeling anxious about dating, my advice is just remember to be yourself. And if your date doesn't like you for you, then it wasn't meant to be, and that's okay because you will find someone who loves you for who you are, not who you are anxiously hoping to be.

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    1. Sara - you're so great. I just LOVE what you wrote. Thanks for sharing.

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  2. A while back you'd linked to some cute, little videos that a family with 4 or 5 children who live in France make about the joy of being in a family and life. I remember one about making a lemonade stand...anyway, do you know which month that was in? I'm trying to find those videos again. Thanks!

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    1. Yes, yes! It's called "Olive Us" and it's by Design Mom (Gabrielle Blair) and her family. Here's the link to the Olive Us channel....
      http://oliveus.tv/ They have lots of new episodes!

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  3. I love this post! It's so true that the fear makes us hold back from really getting to know one another. In retrospect it's so funny to think how much you held back and how much happier you would have been to just say what you thought and live with faith and not fear!

    It's so shallow, but I found a new shirt every couple weeks to add into the dating outfit mix made me feel very special and really good about myself! I also made sure to curl my hair, my husband loved it and I could tell when we were dating. I think those little things add up to a lot of courage and confidence sometimes!

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  4. Affirmations are a huge help for me! I remember after meeting the current man in my life, feeling so completely inadequate. I had spent months prior working on my self-esteem post-divorce and that first date with him, oy vey, was that put to the test.

    The day after the date (we met during a layover after emailing for a month, so oddly similar), I remember telling my sister "It's hard to believe a guy like that would be like me." She immediately responded, "It's hard to believe a guy like that WOULDN'T like you." I realized I wasn't being a friend to myself by telling me he wouldn't possible like me, so I would constantly repeated affirmations, reminding myself that I was pretty dang awesome, giving myself acceptance and validity and loving myself.

    Ten months later, we're still together. But never do I look to him for acceptance before finding it in myself.

    (That was a lot of "myself" talk for a comment)

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    1. Also that intial thought was "It's hard to believe a guy like that would like me."

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  5. I wanted to post from a single person's perspective. When I was going through my divorce 10 years ago, I realized one morning looking in the mirror I didn't like who I was or at least who I was presenting myself as. Over the years I have come to accept who I am and attempt to portray myself this way every day.

    While I never realized if others noticed or worried about it, I still to this day feel more at peace knowing I am true to myself and not "shifting" for others. This came up recently when I was listening to a friend who is ending a very unhealthy relationship. I listened and supported him with his decisions and he actually thanked me for being a friend who is there for him and for always being true to myself. It actually startled me when he said it since I have always viewed this as a personal choice and never thought about others noticing.

    While I am still single 10 years later, I am happier that I have decided being true to myself is more important than being something for someone else. I have faith life works out the way it should….all i can to is be the best I can!

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  6. Stumbled across this blog and this entry in the very depths of frustration at myself at ruining a blossoming relationship by letting my fears take over. I can be a bit fatalistic, so I don't think my finding this here is a coincidence. Thank you for sharing your story. I will have hope and faith that this bad experience has taught me enough to change the script next time - its a helpful lesson and reminder that prayer is indeed a guide to help us focus our thoughts.

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