10 September 2012
Our Little Update
So many of our dear friends and family love to hear the updates with any baby news....
Well, we're comfortable being open about everything so I thought I'd give you guys a little update, too. We just recently were finally able to meet with a new doctor about IVF. There are just a few doctors in New York that even do the kind of specialty I need, which is called Reproductive Immunology. SO FAR SO GOOD!.....I mean, the morning of the appointment I got a call from the doctor!! :) He was just calling to introduce himself. What?!?! When has that ever happened?!? And then, he was as thorough as could be during our appointment. I have NEVER, EVER seen anything like it. He doesn't believe in "unexplained infertility" and does testing that conventional infertility centers are not willing to do (if interested, see the video called "Who is Dr. Braverman" where he explains this.) He is a bull dog and is 100% confident that he can get to the bottom of the issue. I would actually say that this has been my best experience with a medical doctor so far in 8 years. (And I have seen a LOT of doctors in New York. Oh my.) I really can't even tell you how relieved I am. I was kind of walking on the clouds the rest of the day.
So far, I would wholeheartedly recommend this doctor for anyone with unexplained infertility, recurrent miscarriage, multiple failed IVFs, chemical pregnancies, or autoimmune / antibody issues of any kind. These are the cases he specializes in. Right now it's very difficult to find a doctor with this expertise, though because autoimmune issues are increasing in ridiculous amounts in adults and children, I'm guessing that this kind of treatment will become more and more mainstream. FYI, he also works with and/or consults with out-of-town patients). But, if you want to wait to see how the rest of this goes for us, I'm happy to fill you in as we go. At the moment we are waiting for blood test results and so won't have our next follow up until October...and I'm guessing the treatments won't start until November..who knows..maybe December? It's funny what a long process it all is.
Anyway...for the first time in ages, I'm feeling more excited about all of this, my friends. This is a strange thing to admit and it still surprises me that I feel this way.... but....the idea of moving heaven and earth to have a baby (or get a baby via other means) has actually been less appealing to me over the years. It has just been too many years and the hours and money put into the project have just been too great. You see, I really have made peace with the infertility, which also means the agony, the desperation, the longing to have a child is not there. It used to be. I remember those days, which were many, many years ago at this point. But since then, I have accepted the way my life has been and have actually just thrived. It has been a MIRACLE to me that this was possible. But it's also a long time to not be desperately living for a baby! That's a long time to get really happy and at peace with my life, even without a child. And so...one unexpected side effect is that it has actually been a bit tricky having the motivation to move forward with IVF or adoption (and all the zillion phonecalls and hours and hours of waiting room time, paperwork, and money involved). It really does take some mother bear instincts to make all that happen...and sadly, those instincts have actually faded over the years. (Has anyone else experienced this?!)
But, at the end of the day, I still do believe in family. And I believe in the beautiful and learning experience it must be to raise a child. And, I could not be happier to do this all with Danny. Every once in a while I have visions of me pregnant, with Danny by my side, and a huge smile on his face; or I envision us with some little children bringing their little spirits to this home - and it does make me really, really happy. And so, with faith that it will be worth it all, we'll do what we can to grow this family and will move forward with our fingers crossed and full hearts!
Thanks for all of your support you guys have sent our way! It really is SO sweet of you and it has touched us so much.
p.s. Has anyone else experienced a fading desire to become a mother? I am so curious to know. This is a strange topic for me - I didn't expect this to ever happen to me. And we are talking about the most basic human instinct, after all. At the same time, I'm not that worried about it. I am sure my instincts will kick in once I become a mother. I had a talk with one of the nurses and she said she thought the instinct I spoke of had more to do with nurturing and caring for others...and less to do with the means in which that happens. And you know what? I've had lots of lots of opportunities to sort of be nurturing in my own way. This blog and other service endeavors that I am involved in have provided me with that in a huge, huge way. And so I don't feel that part of my life lacking. (See why I feel grateful for you guys every single day?) Anyway, the whole thing is fascinating to me. And it's not something I've ever heard anyone else talk about. I'd love to hear your thoughts.