10 July 2012

Danny's Prayer for Me




"Please bless my dear wife.

Bless her to feel like a mother in her heart, in her soul, in her bones, in her mind, in her womb, and in the words that she speaks."

Oh, that man makes my heart just feel so big.

When we got married, we knew that getting pregnant would be a miracle and so we never stopped it from happening.  That means I've listened to beautiful prayers like this for the last two years.  And every single word of them has meant the world to me.

We had set July as our last month to try naturally before IVF.  We have been hoping for a miracle.

But.....that miracle won't be happening.  

Last night I had a few tears.  It was my turn to pray.  I started.  I choked.  Danny cozied me tight.  And then and there I decided to focus on gratitude.  I had gratitude for each other.  Gratitude for our lives.  Gratitude for all of our beautiful experiences - each and every one.  Gratitude for our families.  Gratitude for our sweet marriage.  Gratitude for all the joy that we get to experience  - so much of it!  Gratitude for the ability to love and to be nourished by it.  Gratitude for all the experiences that we have ahead.  Gratitude for the courage and bravery I will be trying to develop as we face the next steps.  Gratitude for all the women and men that have gone before us.  Gratitude for all of you wonderful people and the beautiful experience it has been to connect with you here.  

I was smiling before our prayer was done.  My heart was full.  Life felt so good.  I am telling you, gratitude is like a drug.  It's amazing to me how quickly it lifts any weight that I feel.  It cultivates something so real and deep, even when the feeling of joy or beauty could have been non-existent moments before.  Does this work for you, too?  Next time you're feeling blue, try it!

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I love you all.  Thank you for being in our lives.  Thank you for your own lives and journeys and for all the wisdom and love that you share back with us. 

AND - Thank you for helping to share the positive message of this blog with so many!  We hear from dozens of your friends and family who are now new readers and have said the blog is helping them so much.  We're amazed every day.  I know this stuff I write about has all helped me....but writing it out & trying to be a tech person (when I couldn't be further from it) is another story.  So this really is a miracle that people's lives, marriages, motherhoods, & families are somehow being reached and uplifted.  Thank you for all you've done to help us as we bust our tails on the other end.  Want to do something more to help?  We now have a Facebook fan page!  We'd love for you to "like" us, if that suits your fancy.  :) :) :) :)  Thanks a million in advance for helping us spread some positive words & supporting this effort.  

[Also, I just posted more photos from Brazil on our Facebook page.  Enjoy!]  

P.S.  Thanks to beautifullymodest.com for providing the red dress for the Manaus Temple dedication!

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36 comments:

  1. Oh what a beautiful prayer. I will admit. I teared up while reading this post at first. I am so happy that you have chosen gratitude, but still my heart aches for you. I know about choosing gratitude, though. It's a route I recently decided to take (even putting up a reminder on my mirror: Choose Gratitude) after reading your blog for several weeks. Not that I was horribly unhappy, but I knew I could be so much happier and therefore more enjoyable to those around me. It has made a huge difference. I recently experience my first pregnancy and subsequently my first pregnancy loss. It took a toll on me and I had a very difficult time with the emptiness that I felt when we lost our baby. However, every night as we said our prayers we remembered to be thankful. As the days wore on we started to find things to be thankful about that came FROM the trial. It helped to find lessons to be learned and things to be appreciated. I'm still sad and I still feel the loss, but the gratitude is a healing salve for sure. Thanks for the post. And your blog is changing lives. I love it!

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  2. I'm crying. I know I don't know you in "real" life, but I feel like I do through this blog. I've been keeping my fingers crossed for you two. I'm so sorry that it won't be happening naturally. You are an amazing person and your prayer of gratitude is such a humble thing to do. I look up to you a lot and I'm so grateful for the influence of your blog in my life. It's my daily reminder to keep my edges sharpened. A giant hug for you and Danny!

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  3. There must be a strong reason why the babies are keeping amazing people like you waiting a little bit. I don't want to give you advices (you are much better at this) but generally in life I believe things come when you no longer chase after them. Keep sharing your positive way of living :)

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  4. I have not commented before but wanted to tell you that I was exactly where you are - wonderful husband and just about to start IVF after a long time trying naturally. We took the IVF class and my husband practiced giving injections to a lemon... We were waiting for the right time in my cycle to start and had to take a pregnancy test (which felt a little mean) - a formality they assured me - before starting the process. They called the day of our first appointment to tell me not to come in because I was pregnant. I have no words for that moment even now. When my first child was just 3 months old, I discovered I was pregnant again. Apparently you are very fertile right after having a baby! 12 years have since passed and no more kids but our family is perfect and we are very grateful for our gifts.

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  5. I'm sending you a great big internet hug right now! Fertility issues are hard. No doubt about it. But can I just tell you how inspiring you are to me? Your blog has encouraged me to find joy despite my fertility circumstances. I'm praying that you can find peace in the next step of your plan.

    Today I went in for an HSG and thankfully, the results came back that my tubes were all clear, which was a huge question due to a lot of abdominal surgeries I've had. Here's to greater reproductive success in the future!

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  6. Shedding a few tears for you over here right now. You are so inspirational. Reading your words bring back those feelings of grief and loss from when I reached the end of trying for a biological child. It is hard, no doubt about it. But it's also true that turning to the Lord especially with humility and gratitude in our hearts can work wonders. And a big thank you to Danny for being so supportive and loving. It just makes me so happy that you two have each other. And I'm so thankful for you both as an example of how I want to be as a spouse as well. Hugs to you today.

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  7. I am so sorry your natural miracle did not happen. I know how you feel as I too am someone who struggled for infertility for years. We finally made the plunge to IVF and were successful our very first time! IVF, along with prayer, is a winning combination in my book and I just feel so grateful we have this medical technology to help all us Mothers have our babies. Now if it just wasn't so darn expensive! j/k. It is so worth it all and I will pray for you.

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  8. I cried as I read your post tonight, sending hugs and prayers your way. Thank you for your inspirational thoughts through this incredible blog. You and Danny are truly amazing. I pray you'll be blessed with all the desires of your hearts as you continue on this journey.

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  9. Beautiful and inspiring post. And you look *amazing* in that dress!

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  10. Mara you rock! And Danny is pretty awesome too. Thanks for your inspired words that daily inspire me. I am so grateful for you and your blog. Big big hugs to you and Danny as you prepare for this next phase of your journey to parenthood.

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  11. Thank you for this post. And all the best to you two in this next journey; we are rooting for you!! IVF was life-changing for me, even though it did not give me a baby. I pray that it will be for you as well, for the opposite reason!

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  12. Thank you for being so open about your feelings/experience with infertility! It has been a struggle throughout my 16 yr marriage, and I completely understand the feelings of loss and dissapointment; it is so sad. I am grateful for your advice on being grateful even in the depths of dissapointment...that is one thing I have never been good at. I hope that the IVF works for you soon!

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  13. Bless you two and the beautiful love your share. This love is a gift from God.

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  14. You are brave and utterly inspiring. I can't tell you how much stumbling on your blog has been helping me the last few weeks. Gratitude is something I'm working on a lot right now...it helps that it's summer and the world is gorgeous and sun filled. I hope with all my heart the things I'm learning here will be habit someday. You inspire me to keep trying. Best wishes as you and Danny keep steadfast on your journey!

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  15. I have gratitude that there is a science out there that will work for you. Maybe we put too much weight on "naturally". I would like to say this in the most easy / nice / happy way possible - who cares? who cares how that baby comes into your life? if you have to take meds, injectables, or drugs to provide the hormones needed to get that little embryo attaching and growing - who cares? again, i say this with love and hope.
    my heart doesn't ache for you guys - my heart rejoices. thank you for the courage to share your journey with the world - you will continue to be so blessed.
    i have many friends struggling with infertility, and they read infertility books - so i tell them to read pregnancy books or parenting books. visualize it.
    i just know you both will be parents and amazing ones at that. i can just see a baby in your arms.

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    1. Thanks anon, I think Mara and I actually agree with you on that, and I hope it didn't come across otherwise. Natural would be great because it sure is cheaper. We've tried all the things that insurance allows, so this is really about whether or not it was possible to avoid significant financial commitments that may or may not pan out.

      But yes, I agree with you, in one way or another we will be parents...IVF or adoption or natural or whatever, and no matter which way it happens we will be happy. One isn't better than another, but one certainly is cheaper, and it sounds like we've reached the end of that road.

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    2. I never thought about that.

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    3. Thank you Danny for working so hard, side by side with your wife. I loved your prayer. You are a very good guy. Best, Rob

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  16. Mara and Danny, you guys have inspired me so much through your blog. Blessings to you in this time. I'm sending blessings and love your way. The way I look at it: why would God give you such a strong desire to be parents, if he didn't have that in His plan for you? I know that one way or another you will be blessed with the desire of your heart.

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  17. Mara my dear, I miss you dearly. You have always been such a positive inspiration to me. Thanks for the post, good luck with IVF. Your influence for good is far reaching and growing everyday, and if that isn't a mother, I don't know what is. You are pure gold Mara. I love you lady.

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  18. Tears for you Mara. I love your sweet husband. I got teary reading about your heartbreak. We have so been there. It's all in God's timing. I can't wait until that time comes. Hugs.

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  19. Mara, you're faith and optimism never cease to amaze me. I hope and pray that somehow children are in your future.

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  20. You and your husband are such wonderful, wonderful people. Your children will be so blessed to have you as parents!

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  21. You two are remarkable. Thank you for talking about things I don't have the heart to. Amazing.

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  22. I am touched ! There are natural ways where you just have to modify your everyday habits and increase your chances,After following those protocols around 80% people have had the most amazing feeling in this world of being parents.It isn't clinicalor invasive or ivf ,its just natural,the way mother nature intended it to be like.
    A big hug to you both.

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  23. beautiful stuff! i just joined your FB page and left you a link! also, i keep waiting for you to join instagram! (yes, just one more techy/online thing to add to the list!)

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  24. That is rough, Mara. It's great that you are focusing on gratitude, though. You have been such a good example for me to follow--I admire your strength and and bravery so much. I hope that all goes well for you as you start IVF. I'll be rooting for you guys!

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  25. Mara - whatever chapter is next in your life, you will face it beautifully. Additions to your family will come, we pray for you and Danny everyday. You bless the lives of so many of God's children already (young and old). You are amazing. Danny's prayer is beautiful, as is your prayer of gratitude. Thanks for sharing. Love you.

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  26. Thank you for sharing such a deeply sensitive and personal experience. It helped me tremendously today to shift my focus from what I lack (or what may be stressing me past my capacity to cope) to gratitude for what I DO have. You have an amazing way with words that hits me like a ton of bricks...in a good way. Like a slap in the face from the Spirit. :) You are doing good. I hope you are being blessed for it. You and Danny will be in my prayers.

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  27. Thank you for sharing your words. A girlfriend directed me to your blog when she found out our struggles getting pregnant. Gratitude is something I find on some days but then is lost on others... mostly the days I leave the infertitliy specialist. I'm searching deep and praying that one day I'll be called a mother.

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  28. You both are amazing!
    The bond you both share is something very special and i hope and pray that all your dreams and wishes come true at one point.
    Life is about never giving up and never backing down. :)
    xx

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  29. As a woman who just went through 2 rounds of IVF I want to give you a big virtual hug. I know many women who this miracle procedure has worked for and I will keep you in my prayers that it will happen for you!

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  30. I randomly ran across your blog about a month ago and feel so much better for it. I just want you to know how much your blog has been helping me through a major trial in my life....losing my second baby to miscarriage after struggling with a long bout of secondary infertility since the last loss of our fifth baby who was born still. We also struggled with infertility before having the four living children we count as our greatest blessings. I know how much it hurts and aches to wait for this righteous desire to come. I am in awe of your faith and ability to show gratitude through it. I know that gratitude has truly helped me to make it through each day when the future is so unknown. I also know that Heavenly Father has a plan for our family and for yours too and that you will be blessed greatly for the inspiration you have shown so many.

    "Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come." ~ Jeffrey R. Holland

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

    P.S. When I first came across your blog I couldn't get over how familiar Danny looked to me. Well, duh, we were in the same ward growing up. His mom was my YW leader actually. Small, small world we live in, huh?

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  31. Dear Friends,
    Thank you for this beautiful blog. It is wonderful. I have not followed this series long, so forgive me if I presume too much. I wonder if you have thought of adoption? I am so grateful that my parents adopted me. I, in turn, married a man who has sisters who were adopted (purely coincidentally, we fell in love), and married, thinking that adoption was going to be our only chance at having children. I had been told that conception would be difficult or not possible, and he had similar concerns. We became foster parents in our third year of marriage, to a precious, beloved baby girl, who we hoped to adopt but knew she would be going back to her parents if they could get their lives straight. My heart broke when she was taken from us, after being ours for her first year, and I still grieve for her and hope her parents are caring and appreciate their daughter. We decided that the next placement would be a child who would be adoptable and met another foster family who had several foster sons. The State had asked us to meet one of the children to se if we would be a good match for him but we knew right away that we were not right for him. Another child in their home caught my attention and I knew he was our son. In that instant I recognized him and felt certain he would be our son. He came to our home when he was 21 months old and his adoption was finalized when he was nearly four years old. In the meantime, to my surprise and shock, I conceived and gave birth to a daughter, born prior to our son's adoption. If you are still reading then I hope you might consider that parenthood can be a choice but it is also a calling. I am sure that you will recognize your call to parenthood in the right time and place in your lives. Again, thank you for sharing with me.

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    1. Anon- your comment just touched me so much. What a beautiful story. And what a beautiful soul you have. We have considered adoption...and foster kids...and we very much think those will be in our future. So thanks for the encouragement and for sharing back with us your wonderful story.

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