Dear readers - this post is one of the most touching things I've ever read. It's written by one of our readers, Kat S. If I knew my blog was only going to be read by her, I'd still do it. And, today's post was edited by another wonderful reader, Lisa Riley, who has volunteered to help us with a few endeavors related to this blog. She has so many great ideas and talents, it is ridiculous. Wow, we feel so blessed to know these two women because of this blog. Thank you, both!
Five years ago I attempted suicide. The details aren't important, but to say I was at my lowest of lows is an understatement. I was done trying, done caring. Most of all, I lost all hope of my life ever getting better. After my "special visit to the hospital," I thought I was so unlucky to have made it out alive. I actually felt that way! Unlucky for still being alive! For many days after that I really just wanted to disappear. Slowly, and with A LOT of help from loving family and friends (and a court order), I started to come out of the hole I inhabited.
Even though I didn’t have much desire to get better, I tried EVERYTHING that was suggested to me -- psychologists, psychiatrists, medication, biofeedback labs, guided imagery/visualization, meditation, muscle response testing, chakra magnetic therapy, et cetera. You name it, I tried it! I even read everything I could get my hands on about happiness, energy, “the secret”, positive thinking, and religion, but it really didn’t connect for me. Somehow, I could visualize and recognize happy people, the lifestyle, the way of thinking, but it just didn't seem possible for me. The ability to live at peace with life's happenings didn't seem like something I could achieve. I could see it happening in others' lives, but never in my own life.
Last year, when I thought I had recovered from the very feelings that landed me in the hospital in the first place, they slowly seeped back into my life. I was in so much pain, it hurt to even breathe. Suffice it to say, I really didn't want to go through it all again and I was considering a more, well... successful exit. That lonely night, when I was completely depressed and ready to give up (AGAIN!), I found and started reading A Blog About Love. I came across this post. It felt like these lines were written specifically for me:
"BE READY TO DO SOMETHING HARD. Like...probably the HARDEST things you'll ever do…Rising above this stuff is NOT EASY. BUT, figuring out what you are made of will be the most rewarding thing you'll ever achieve. I promise.”
After reading this I cried. I cried, I prayed, and I kept on reading. From that day on my life started to change. A LOT. The ideas were not completely new to me, but there was something in the simple way the same message was presented, that made it click for me. It gave me the hope and the strength I needed to get up and try again. I felt, so deeply, the genuine love pouring out from the words on the screen, the words Danny and Mara wrote. Everything I was reading, everything Mara and Danny were saying, gave me hope to believe, for the first time in a long time, that true happiness was possible. I began to understand that the truths I'd been learning for the last few years weren't just THEORIES, but rather, they were REALITIES! For me, Danny and Mara became a living example of the life I was hoping to live and hadn't been able to achieve.
My life has forever been changed by the message expressed on A Blog About Love, and for that I will be eternally grateful. I believe that finding this blog was not only time-appropriate (to say the least!), but also miraculous. More than anything, I now know that I want to be ALIVE! I want to experience it ALL! I don't think I've entirely found my way into where I want or need to be, but so many things have already changed for the better (though I remain on a bit of a social hiatus!). But most importantly, rather than "I'll never get there," my attitude is more of "I'm on my way."
And I am.
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