(Photo from Jenny Komenda - - couldn't be happier she is moving to Brooklyn! Yay!)
As a spouse, it's kind of cool because you get to see the side of a person that no one else gets to see. You get to see this person's life from the very front row (it's really quite amazing).
The problem is, often times our guard goes down with our spouse. We might find it easy to say negative things about other people or gossip with our spouses...simply because it can be done behind closed doors. We might find it easier to vent often to our spouses and become a fire hose of negativity with them, but not others. Or perhaps we behave badly or speak sharply with our spouses, just because we think we can - even though we don't normally speak this way. I think these patterns and habits in marriage are very real and common. And actually, I'm guessing that some couples might feel comfortable with this pattern - perhaps they consider their marriage a safe place for speaking their mind. Perhaps changing some of the foundational norms of a marriage or relationship seems scary.
Well - Danny and I, from day one, have tried to maintain our desired character not just outside the marriage, but within it, as well. And so, that means speaking positively about other people, giving other people the benefit of the doubt, having compassion for those around us, using what Danny calls "The Language of Love", not gossiping, speaking kindly to one another, treating each other like lovers, forgiving those that have harmed or annoyed us. Our union and our home is never the breeding ground for negativity. Instead, it's a place where we both work to keep that at bay. This tradition in our marriage has served us well. And a nice little side effect: It builds up a store of good energy which comes in handy when the car breaks down or the roof starts leaking or we're having technical difficulties (pretty much a daily occurrence) or harm of any kind comes our way.
What about you guys? Do you think it's important to pay attention to the character you are developing within your marriage? Or do you like having a place to just let loose - where it's just the two of you? I'd love to hear!
Sending lots of love to all you readers!
(You guys seriously are the best ever. I don't say that enough. We're so, so grateful for all of you!!)
P.S. Our next 'Class About Love' is this Wednesday at 8:30 pm. It's about Choosing Happiness. And it's so good. We can't wait to share it with you. Register here.
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