Why so few photos? Well, we couldn't have cared less about posting photos anywhere. It just wasn't our thing. And....when you are newly divorced.....you're lucky to have any pics at all without your former spouse. For example, in the photo above, Danny was sitting next to his wife.......
I looked at these photos of Danny a gazillion times in those first few weeks before I met Danny. They were all I had. Here I was, staring at these photos day & night - in love with this man that I had never met...and there was his wife! Her hair! It was evidence of the very sad & tragic situation he had just experienced. Having that reminder of her was a tender & powerful thing for me. I mean, a marriage had just ended. Two marriages had just ended! His & mine. Divorce is an awful, awful thing to go through. But here we were, in such a short time - at peace with the world. At peace with ourselves. At peace with what we were faced with. At peace with the harm that had come our way. At peace with our futures, whatever they may be. I had been feeling that miracle in my own life...but then to witness it so firsthand in another person who was also in the thick of the trial...THAT was unbelievable. It gave so much more power to the peace I was feeling. It made it feel more REAL. I knew it wasn't just me - that this wasn't just a fluke. It was just astounding to me to learn that peace was available to all - and that it was a choice we all could make, no matter what we were faced with. And that picture of Danny, with his wife, the one who had just moved out a year earlier, was just a beautiful reminder of how real and powerful that deliverance can be, even when tragic things happen.
So what did I do with the photos with my ex-husband? I am telling you, tending to those details is such a strange thing to do. But when it was clear that my husband wasn't returning, I remember taking down photos throughout my apartment and replacing them with photos of my friends and family. It felt important & good to do it. It felt empowering to take ownership of my space. And it made me so happy to see photos of my dear friends and family - especially since my apartment felt so very empty. I will never forget the warmth and company I felt from those photos of sisters, parents, nieces, nephews, friends, and grandparents as I was alone in this apartment - it helped me to really appreciate the life that I still had, even without a husband.
I really don't remember what I did with the photos of him. I remember feeling strange about chucking them...because they were a record of about 8 years of my life. But I also felt strange about having them in my home as they no longer had any sentimental value & I wanted to just focus on my new life and creating new memories. So I cleared them out. They may be stuffed in a box in our basement storage room.
Though I do remember where one photo went. I had a 20x24 Polaroid with my former husband, too. And that bad boy, frame and all, went out to the street with a heave and a chuck, right next to the trash. So it's either decaying in the landfill of Staten Island. Or it's hanging on some hipster's wall in Brooklyn. :)
What about you? What did you do with photos after a divorce or break-up? I'd love to hear!
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