Finally, I'm back home and able to write you. I can't believe that in 24 hours I will get to hold you for the first time, to hear your voice, to breathe you in, to thank you, to LOVE you, to begin to memorize everything about you so that I can take you with me when I leave. I am truly excited.
I just finished singing/playing Hard Headed Woman... I've loved that song for years (my family grew up listening to Cat Stevens), but boy has it taken a whole new meaning for me this year. I had learned how to play/sing it years ago, but it fell out of my routine because it didn't hold as much meaning to me. But this last year, I would come home and play/sing it almost every night sometimes. It was my way of reminding myself that one day I'd find her...one day I'd meet a woman that I would love, respect, and admire, a woman that would bring out the very best in me and our family. I knew that some day I'd find someone that shared my life goals and commitments...but I'll tell you that I never thought she'd come to me without me even looking, or that instead of meeting standards that I thought I might have set too high, she'd blow them out of the water. I am humbled and in awe of you, and of how truly blessed I feel. Plus, my voice is finally back and I was actually able to sing it better than I've done in a long time. Tonight I sang it for you, and I could feel every word of it and rejoice.
Hard Headed Woman by Danny (he recorded this on his iPhone and sent it to me later, after we had met)
I love you for what you've done to me. I am a better man since meeting you, in every way! I don't just have hope and belief anymore...it's actually tangible, I can feel it all around me and through me. I feel vibrant with love for you!
Going back a few emails, regarding being filterless and open. Mara, if this works out like we both think and hope it will, I want to tell you right now that I will love you the very best that I am able. I have never been someone who is content with being stationary or stagnant in where I am in life or what level of personal development I have attained. By that I mean that as greatly as I may love you now, I will learn to love you more and more. I know that I am capable of great love, especially when it is returned to me in the fashion that you have already demonstrated. This lack of filter and openness that I have enjoyed with you is not just something that I do in writing (though I certainly think sometimes it is easier to do it like that), this is who I am. Anybody who has ever attended a class or lesson or who has had me visit them in their homes will tell you how comfortable I am (or at least try to be) expressing love and compassion for them, and how important I believe it is to any lesson I give. Years ago I had a bishop who blew me away with his ability to express genuine compassion/love/affection for me the second we first met. I'd never felt that from a stranger before. My analytical brain asked what was different about him that helped him make me feel so special. Later I had mission presidents, other bishops, stake leaders, seventy, etc...who all impressed me with this same ability. There are some people we meet in the church who with just a few words immediately lift you up, and even if you've never met them before, you can tell they love you. I noticed one thing similar about them all, they freely express their love and the confidence they have in those around them to be who they are truly meant to be.
I want to be just like them, and when I realized that a big part of what made them so powerful was the kind/loving/positive language they used (and consequently the Spirit of God that accompanies their words), I knew I needed to start practicing. And so it has been since I served my mission, where I began to tell everyone I taught that I loved them and believed in them, that I loved and admired the companion serving with me, I would genuinely compliment them so they could tell that I was paying attention to how great they were/could be. I believe that is the language of God, and I've been trying to learn it. Yes it takes guts, you've got to put yourself out there. But when you do, the reward is so real and so great, and it is the best way to lift people up, and be lifted up yourself by God.
I guess what I'm trying to say is this openness that I have expressed so far is an integral part of who I am. This is a language I am trying to learn. I can't tell you how THRILLED I am to meet someone who speaks it so openly to me in return and to everyone else around her. I LOVE YOU FOR THAT! You're strength and love of those you are called to serve, and even those you aren't, simply amazes me. I can tell you speak this language that I myself have tried so hard to develop, and I just couldn't be happier about that. So yes Mara, I will be bold, and I will go for it. I will love you the absolute best that I can, and I will seek ways and words to show you that so you will know it without question.
There...I've said it. That is my commitment to you and whatever we may become (I hope partners in every sense of the word). I look forward to every moment that we will share, and I am eternally grateful for everything you have already given me. So much love, hope, compassion, energy, and kindness has flowed from your every word. I cherish them and thank God for you.
Thank you for giving yourself to me, know that I have given myself entirely to you, I am completely yours.
Goodnight Darling! Tomorrow is finally here :) And I couldn't be happier!
With much love and affection,
P.S. How cool is it that I will get to tell you good night myself, and wish you good morning myself the following day. I LOVE IT!
(Can you believe this email? I am still melting over Danny's letters to me and I've been married to him for 2 years now! He continues to be the most loving man I've ever met.)
Are there any loving things your husband does for you? (Husbands reading: take notes! :) :)
Our next 'Class About Love' is tonight (Thurs., May 3 @ 8 pm )! Hear more about our trials & learn exactly what we've done to overcome them. The stuff we'll teach in this class is stuff that changed us forever. We've been working our tails off planning it. Luckily Danny kept us going with fresh batches of homemade salsa. :)
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