20 April 2012

Love Story: Calling Each Other Sweetheart


(This is my response to Danny's last love note....)

DANNY!!!!!!

Oh my gosh.

I am just beaming over here and so happy....

I missed you like crazy tonight.  Strange that I could miss you and I've never met you.  But I do.  A friend stopped by to say hello so I couldn't email you.  And the whole time I could barely concentrate on the conversation cause I just wanted to get to this computer... haha.

AND, this is just a fun coincidence, but earlier tonight I also spoke to my parents, too!!!  They are absolutely giddy over this.  Yes, they know I'm in love with you.  And they are so grateful that they got to see me recently and see (in person) how happy I have been.  They are so excited for us to meet.   I think their hearts are pounding, too.  They are just so happy to see me happy, too, after all I've been through.

You know, something so beautiful is happening to me.  I am normally full of so many butterflies that I think I might just die before I even get the chance to say hello to you!  But at this moment, I just feel sooooo much peace.  I don't have one ounce of worry about the outcome.  Not at all.  I just feel like all will be well!  And I just feel honored that I get to meet someone that has meant SO much to me, in such a short time.  I could not feel more more happy, more content, more grateful and more at peace.  This entire experience has been such a gift.  I actually just said a quick prayer of thanks... for this is truly a miracle to be free of all worry. 

And yes, I cannot believe that you have become my sweetheart in only 3 wks!  (yes, I want to call you sweetheart!!!)  What a miracle.  This is the kind of love that people dream about and write love stories and poems about.  hahha.  Yet I think many never feel this.  You know, I always dreamed of being with a good, good man.  So just even knowing you has been a dream come true.  These 3 wks have changed my life...you truly are someone that I would just be so incredibly proud & & honored & happy to be with!!!!!!

Danny, I love you beyond what I can even express.  I love you for all that you are.  I love you for kicking some butt this last year and being such an amazing man despite all that you have been faced with.  I love you for the forgiveness that you have for your ex-wife.  I love you for all that you want for your life!  I love you for knowing who you are and for knowing how to be truly happy (the way God provides for us to be, if we choose to be), I love you for being so giving of yourself and for accepting me and recognizing all the good in me and loving me for so many good reasons.  (I find that so many people look for all the wrong things to make them happy!!  Looks, money, success.  I love it that we love each other for who we are and not all of those things. )

In a way, meeting you will not at all feel like the first time.  Even though it's you that is coming, it feels as though I have family coming to town or something...because you already are such a dear loved one to me.  I feel so close to you and feel so much warmth and love for you and from you that it will feel so comfortable and cozy to have you here.  AND, it's chilly in NY today!!  I wonder what the weather will be like this weekend.  All day I've been thinking how much I want to just cuddle and get warm with you.  :)

I simply cannot believe that tomorrow is Thursday.  And then it will be Friday...and then I will meet you.  This is all too exciting.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!  I am thankful every single moment that you have been in my life.

I could just have a prayer in my heart all day because of the gratitude I feel.

Sending you so much love....  
 
Good bye, sweetheart, for now!!!

M

_______________________________________________________________________

Dear Readers, in my early twenties, before I had self-worth...I remember being with boyfriends that I knew were not meant for me.  I never felt fully comfortable deep in my soul.  I really believe that the deepest parts of us know if we should be with someone or not!!!  Please, do not ignore those feelings.

For me, here's one way that made it harder and harder to ignore those feelings..... telling my parents or friends about who I was dating.  It was like I could get away with being in denial myself, but I couldn't fake it so well with them.

TIP:  If you feel uneasy or embarrassed in your gut while talking about your relationship or boyfriend/girlfriend to your friends or family or people who care about you - - consider this a huge red flag. 

Thankfully, that uncomfortable feeling in my gut helped me to get out of some situations that I know ultimately would not have been good for me.

How about you?  Do you (did you) notice yourself ever feeling uncomfortable telling other people about a relationship?  Or the opposite?

Lots of love to you all for the weekend.
We're getting very excited about our very first ever on-line class on Tuesday!

xo,

Mara


Follow @ablogaboutlove on Twitter

19 comments:

  1. Actually I felt uneasy and embarrassed talking about my husband before he was my husband and that's the reason I married him. Hear me out! I always dated these extremely outgoing, sarcastic, rude, not so nice guys. Well when I started dating my husband I always denied it was going anywhere when I talked to people, that we were just having fun. He wasn't someone I would usually date, kind of quiet, bookish (nerdy), not my type at all but I was still drawn to him. I was embarrassed of him and now looking back I'm embarrassed of myself. I married a wonderful, smart, devoted man who treats me like a man should treat his wife and eternal companion. I'm so happy I got over my uneasiness. Of course I know what you're talking about but it just made me smile because I was like "hey that's exactly how I felt!" and I shouldn't have. I LOVE the love stories, keep them coming :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love that you posted this. Sometimes when we think we have a "type" we're actually just going for the wrong men. You have to give the good nerdy guys a chance especially if they're different than anyone you've dated :)

      Delete
    2. AMEN! My husband was so not my "type", yet I later realized he was custom made for me!

      Delete
  2. i remember being embarrassed to introduce my boyfriend (now ex-husband) to people just because i was sure that they wouldn't see how "great" he was. I constantly found myself trying to defend him every time i spoke with family or friends. i too have found out what a HUGE RED FLAG this is. i have known guys that i would just "DIE" to introduce to people as my boyfriend and never thought i was worthy of those kind of people. NOW, after all i've been through, i understand that i AM WORTHY of a guy that i can be 100% proud of and i will not settle for anything less than a MAN who i am just dying to introduce to anyone and everyone! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I never felt embarassed with my husband because I think he is wonderful and wanted everyone else to see that too. But sometimes I did feel like I talked about him too much, that it created bitterness with friends who weren't where they wanted to be, or the change in me made others uncomfortable. How much I loved him made others put up walls and almost distance themselves from me. But that is life and I realised it wasn't me, it was their issues not mine.

    ReplyDelete
  4. as with most human situations, it IS more complicated than it seems: my family has never been supportive of my marriage, but he is a good, humble, stable, God-loving man. he is NOT a doctor or lawyer, and he does NOT come from money. he is NOT what my dad wanted his little daughter to find.
    my family loves me dearly, i know, but they also value very different things, and i've found happiness and love with a man who takes good care of me and laughs and cries with me, but doesn't bring home millions of dollars.
    love is a universal, but it's important to be careful about red-flag universals, because sometimes it's *your family* who is the red flag!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very true Anon, and I'm glad you brought that up and made the distinction. Perhaps a better way of wording it wouldn't have been in regards to family...but if you're embarrassed around the people whose opinions and character you most admire and respect.

      Sounds to me like you have a good man and know what matters most!

      Delete
  5. I agree with Anon that sometimes the family is the red flag. I think it's a good test if you actually get along with your family. I broke up with a bf because he wasn't welcoming to people in his home. I imagined my life living with someone who makes my friends uncomfortable in our home - that's a red flag with me too. It's also a great test on a first date to see how a person behaves with others aside from you. I can't stand it if I'm on a date and the person is unkind to a waiter or cab driver or theater employee. Really? What year are we living in? I told someone that it was exactly the reason I wasn't interested. Turns my stomach!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dearest Mara and Danny,

    Thank you for this red flag too! I got the hint! Ouch 2!!!

    The broken hearted anon.... ;)

    I am soooooooooo loving your love stoty! It is so inspiring!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. This was an amazing set of messages to read-and I love what Mara said about feeling comfortable. I am dating an amazing person right now, who I feel so lucky to know LOVES me for me. I am still working out some personal insecurities/self worth feelings, and I think those are the reasons I feel uneasy--I have a hard time trusting men, because of some personal betrayal, but the more I focus on the feelings that surround he and I, putting WHAT IF and worries aside, I feel a great calm. Danny and Mara, you both are truly so blessed to have found eachother. I think all your readers would agree that WE ALL WANT that too. But, I know I have had to acknowledge that good things, beautiful things, are EVERYWHERE, and we will all have to make/find/create our own journeys and relationships of happiness, acceptance, and love. And what a GIFT that is. Love you both!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think feeling uneasy to express something out loud can be a great indicator that something might be up. But is also depends a lot on your audience and/or how close you are with people and their general world view (optimistic vs. pessimistic). IE I didn't want to tell one of my friends about my then boyfriend/now husband because I knew she would immediately point out that he wasn't tall or he wasn't "cool" or she didn't like where he was from. Overall, though, I agree that it is easy to create a story in your mind and be in denial of reality until you share your love interest with the people who love you. It never hurts to examine those feelings of uneasiness to find the real reason.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is a very interesting post... and I really dig the comments going on too...

    Something that I am learning is that I have to trust MYSELF and how I feel more than anything else.... Of course I care and value the opinion of those closest to me, but because they aren't the ones building a deep and meaningful relationship with him- they don't really *know* him like I do. So, I go by how I feel in his presence... do I feel safe? do I feel comfortable?

    I've never been embarrassed about my 'man friend', but like Nora said above, I have felt uneasy (due to past personal betrayal in my marriage), BUT I will say that I did not have this "HOLY MACRO he is the one for me!" spark when we first went out. To be honest, I wasn't really sure what I thought of him... he was nice and fun and so great... but, it wasn't this immediate thing for me... at all.

    But I'm SO glad I went out on that second and third date with him.... because 9 months later we have the most REMARKABLE relationship. So I agree with the top commenter in that even if you weren't initially as attracted to them (whether it be physically or personality wise or whatever), GO OUT ON THAT SECOND DATE because you never know! I would have never put myself with my 'man-friend'... and now, I am utterly in love with him! And the things I didn't particularly like have become so endearing to me... :)

    I actually think it's good to doubt.... even if it's just a little little bit... because from what I've learned personally, if it seems too good to be true, it most likely is. So I agree with you Mara, always trust your gut... ALWAYS!

    Very thought provoking for me today :)

    And I'll second Nora and say that I think that many of us have a little cyber envy when we read your story... it's soooooo romantic and lovely. Even though each of our love storie are unique, it is my hope that we can all make it to the same end result: in happy, healthy, honest, loyal, and LOVING relationships!

    You guys are great! LOVE IT HERE!

    XO

    ReplyDelete
  10. Is there hope for those of us who married the guy with the red flags, but didn't realize it at the time?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, I can't respond at their place, but there is a great post from Danny (I was trying to find it, but I don't know in which category they've put it and I can't keep on seraching for it right now....) answering to someone who had a specific huge red flag.... If you can find it (I am sorry I couldn't), I think it will help you think about many things.... If I am not mistaken, he talked about "what to do" and "how to do it" ?

      Delete
    2. Thanks Anon 2 - I love that when I don't have time to respond (which has happened a lot more lately) one of our dear readers will try to respond for us. Honestly, you guys are the best.

      The post you're referring to is here. I hope this helps!

      Delete
  11. Sounds like some people are comfortable with rationalizing their choices.
    I also think that some of your post, Mara, might possibly sound a little contradictory: "I really believe that the deepest parts of us know if we should be with someone or not! Please, do not ignore those feelings" and then: "If you feel uneasy or embarrassed in your gut while talking about your relationship or boy/girlfriend to your friends or family or people who care about you-consider this a huge red flag." Some will "follow their gut" which is their emotions, and perceive their relationship as "you and me against the world" rather than considering carefully the advice and feelings of those who have been closest to them their whole life, or the advice of others who have been through the same thing. Emotions cannot always be trusted.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mara, your tip is really valuable. These are tricky kinds of relationships to navigate. If you’re embarrassed about your relationship you then start hiding it, which means you’re probably deceiving family and friends about it. It’s like a guilty pleasure - you’re willing to do it because you think you still love that person or you feel sorry for them or have been manipulated into thinking they need you or that things are going to change for the better. These feelings seldom make for good, solid relationships.

      Delete
  12. I "dated" a guy for about a year before his mission, and then waited throughout his mission. Not completely, but I wrote to him regularly, and I held out hope for the two of us. When he got home we dated for about six months before I dumped him. The reason I used quotations above was because I would never admit to us dating. Although, we did date exclusively before his mission. I would also get very angry if my family would ever bring him up. I didn't realize it at the time, but after I dumped him I realized how many red flags there were. He was not at all who I thought he was, and I feel blessed I was able to stop that before it got too far. Sometimes a guy who you think has everything you want (I.E. Returned missionary) is not really the exact person for you because of what they have accomplished. To this day I have a hard time talking about him, and especially with my family. I kept our relationship relatively secretive. One of my sisters asked me about it recently and I told her everything, and she was SHOCKED. She didn't think we were dating. I thought there was something wrong with me because I was acting this way UNTIL I read what you wrote above. Thank you! I finally have recognized how wrong it all was. (Side note: he was actually doing things he had kept a lot of secrets from me throughout the entire relationship, and didn't tell me until I broke up with him.)

    ReplyDelete
  13. a sweet love story just like what they call to each other ..

    ReplyDelete

We love hearing from you! We read each and every comment. Thanks so much for taking the time to contribute to the blog.

Hostgator Promo Code