A Date Night in Bed

More sex tips from ABAL, oh my!  🙂  I hope it’s ok with you if we talk about intimacy openly from time to time…after all, this is A Blog About Love 🙂  And we think it’s important to talk about it as it is one of the most important & beautiful parts of a marriage.

I hope this doesn’t sound too Cosmo.  Eeks!  That is not my intention.  Just want to share a tip that I think is really great & that I think might be helpful for a lot of people out there….

Have a date in bed – – in other words, set aside some time to be together (no clothes allowed 🙂 and here’s the key…do not make sex the agenda.  Yep, no sex  🙂  You know how much I believe sex is so important in a marriage, but to vary the emotional intimacy & connection from time to time, I think it’s so nice to be together in such an intimate way without the expectation that this moment is leading to sex.  It allows you to have some set aside time for intimate, loving & kind conversation with your spouse…the kind that maybe doesn’t happen in such a powerful way so often due to time/schedule/work/kids/etc.  (And I’m guessing that long, natural conversation & completed sentences aren’t exactly happening during sex, either, right?  ha!)  So….

-Ask your spouse to just cuddle.
-Lay very close to each other. 
-Caress, etc., etc.
-Speak as kindly as possible to one another.
-Tell each other all the things you appreciate about each other.
-Tell each other thank you for all that they are doing for your family.
-Ask if there’s anything you can do for the other person.
-No rush.  Just many moments of togetherness and closeness & tender conversation.
-Fall asleep together…….OR……..yes, finish with sex.  Whatever strikes your fancy.  Either way, you’ll feel very connected to your spouse. 

Nice, right?

And, put those candles to work.  They really do something magic.


P.S.  Danny is blushing more than me.   🙂

P.P.S  If you haven’t taken our survey yet & wouldn’t mind helping us out, you can click here to take it.  I decided to leave it open through next week, too, as I realized a ton of people are out of town during this spring break week.  

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  1. Sara Estis April 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm - Reply

    I absolutely love this idea, Mara (and Danny!). My boyfriend and I take time to shower together after sex, and we love that time for the long and natural conversations and for just being ourselves together. This is one of my favorite things that we have and think it adds an incredible intimacy to our relationship.

  2. Anonymous April 12, 2012 at 3:29 pm - Reply

    It seems easier to do things in reverse order. Lori Morgan has a great song called, "He talks to me"

    The last verse of the song goes this way:

    And in those moments after we make love
    That's when he holds me close
    Gives me what I need the most

    He talks to me, it does my heart good
    To hear him talk to me the way a lover should
    He can ease my frustration with his soothing conversation
    And I love the way he's not afraid to talk to me

  3. Lisset April 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm - Reply

    Love this post. And love your bravery in posting about intimacy. This is so what we need! Real conversations about real life things that happen in a relationship. As an added bonus for the husband/boyfriends/partners out there, I think they'll find that more times than not if they oblige with the cuddling first, sex will happen naturally. It's so nice, as a woman, to be eased in to intimacy sometimes, to give yourself time to remove your other hats- mama, laundress, cook, chauffeur, referee, accountant, etc.

  4. The New Diplomat's Wife April 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm - Reply

    i think this is spot on – btw, this trick works while away on vacation too and it's a good way to soak up everything that you've seen and observed some place new – somehow, it makes all those observations a little bit more real, more thought out.

  5. Anonymous April 12, 2012 at 5:05 pm - Reply

    Any intimacy tips for a couple who aren't having sex? My boyfriend and I did have sex already, despite our beliefs that sex before marriage isn't the best idea. We made the choice to stop having sex, which I might add is very difficult. When someone's love language is physical touch it's hard to get all physical without going to that limit where we end up feeling frustrated by not having sex. TO make matters more difficult we have a long distant relationship, so more often than not we stay at each other's house when we visit. How did you guys handle the dating meet ups when you lived in separate cities?

    • Anonymous April 13, 2012 at 2:38 am - Reply

      I have many thoughts on this subject, but want to specifically address the issue of staying at the others' place when in town. (Having done the long distance relationship thing for several years, while choosing to hold off on sex til marriage, I feel I can speak on this.) Whenever I or my future spouse would visit the other, the 'hosting' person would stay with a friend and the visiting person would get to stay at the apartment since they had been the one to incur the cost of travel already. The person hosting has the advantage of knowing people in the area so it should be easier. To avoid finding ourselves in that 'sexually frustrated' situation we planned our time OUT OF THE APARTMENT. Walking, talking, eating, catching a show…WHATEVER. There are plenty of restaurants, venues, where you can hang out for hours on end so you don't end up getting tired and subsequently letting your 'guard' down because it's just easier to spend the night. This way your time is about being together, not about the sex (or conjugal visit). If abstaining from sex before married is important to you BOTH, you'll be able to talk about it and work it out. I know because I did it—and I've been happily married for 17 years.

    • Jane April 15, 2012 at 2:53 pm - Reply

      This is the best idea I've heard on the subject.

    • Anonymous April 18, 2012 at 1:03 pm - Reply

      I agree. Thank you for sharing your ideas!!! I'm actually working on getting my own place where my boyfriend lives, so that we won't have to deal with this anymore. I think it will REALLY help. You are sooo right. When our time is spent out and about, it's much easier to not focus on restraining ourselves.

  6. Stephanie April 12, 2012 at 6:36 pm - Reply

    We actually do this a lot now days, and it has improved our relationship SO much, in many ways! I 100% embrace this idea. (especially when it ends with pure loving intimate sex). 😉

  7. Jacy April 12, 2012 at 8:09 pm - Reply

    I agree with this whole heartedly! Why be ashamed to talk about this stuff? There is no need to blush 🙂

    My shrink always tells the men he deals with that as long as they are hardworking and honest and willing to help the woman in every way they can, their wife or girlfriend will THROW themselves at them! They won't be able to keep their hands of their man…. because when we feel safe in a man's presence, the intimacy will usually always follow… and I think this pre-stuff you describe is perfect Mara! Sex is wonderfully intimate, but I think those times before and after sex (when I was married) were equally as intimate and vulnerable, both emotionally and physically.

    **edited above for typos 🙂

  8. Jaclyn April 12, 2012 at 8:30 pm - Reply

    i read something similar on cup of jo and tried it out. it ended up leading to sex, BUT what a powerful way to do so. i love being able to just be without any expectations. love this blog!

  9. Bri!!! April 12, 2012 at 9:52 pm - Reply

    Our best conversations are after we have sex. Sometimes before, and sometimes in between love making sessions. I need to remind myself of that sometimes and not let the day to day things and tiredness get in the way of setting aside time for intimacy, because when we do, I'm always glad we did!

  10. Anonymous April 12, 2012 at 11:16 pm - Reply

    I wholeheartedly endorse this tip. My husband and I love "naked naps" together, which allow for intimate, comfortable, amorous cuddling. And one of our favorite traditions is early morning sex during the holidays (due to jetlag – flying west to be with family) followed by a naked goal setting session. Really makes you excited about the possibilities for the year ahead! 🙂

  11. Anonymous April 17, 2012 at 4:35 am - Reply

    Loved this post. Thank you for sharing these great ideas. Reminds me of the first half of the book "The Art of Conscious Loving". Great book. I recommend it to all couples.

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