My Dear Danny,
Today I am so DRIVEN to work my buns off cause I need to prepare for your arrival!!! haha. I have LOADS to do before you arrive!!! [I need to do tons of work stuff, clean this living room that looks like a Harvey shipping yard, do laundry, buy groceries, clean sheets, wash the car, etc.] OK, the REAL list: figure out what on earth to wear (!!!), buy perfume, probably buy new clothes & new jeans, scour the apartment, get a haircut, & hopefully make a killer batch of cookies to impress you with. And if I had real time, I'd buy some new cool music and make some playlists. That one I know just won't happen. AND, of all things I have a dentist appt. and a dr. appt. this week, too. Who knew not even three weeks ago that I would meeting the man of my dreams and would need a clear schedule?? Oh my, I am also in charge of a combined activity tmw night for the Young Men & Young Women. AND, I just had a girl over for dinner tonight.... the one whose husband just left her. So we had quite a talk. I feel so blessed to be on the side that can actually give advice and offer some inspiring words, opposed to the other way around (I certainly know both sides!)
ANYWAY......despite my absence of emails, I have very much been thinking about you ALL DAY and have been working my tail off with you very much in mind. I still can hardly wrap my head around the fact that we are going to MEET. This is all to exciting/exhilarating/heart racing!
So I just turned on Friday in Love...LOUD.... I am just all too giddy!!!!
OK, I must go. My to do list awaits me!!!!!! But I think I need to dance around this apartment a bit first. :)
Oh yes, I have an appt tmw in the city at an early hour. Please make me go to sleep when you do!
I am trying desperately to pull the corners of my mouth down. This is truly intoxicating, and I LOVE every bit of it.
As for all those wonderful love songs, I find myself re-listening to my entire music collection to find little snippets of you somewhere in them...maybe i will have more songs to share with you by the time I come on Friday.
And yes....you are unquestionably darling...there used as an adjective, previously used as a noun (darling - noun: 1) a person very dear to another; one dearly loved, 2) an affectionate term of address, 3) a person in great favor; a favorite. I say YES to all of the above!!! :) ) And if that drives you nuts...well I'm just returning the favor.
And Mara, I think that's beautiful about your ability to listen to and love "love songs" and see them in light of your future and not the disappointments/sorrows of the past. I suppose that is just one more thing I love about you. You prove to me in each email that this belief which we share - that we can embrace all of life's experiences - is not something you just are able to talk about / repeat what you've heard or "should" believe. Instead, you really mean it, you've lived it, you live it still, and you plan on making that belief central to your future and your marriage and the way you interact with your children and everyone else you get to speak with. Mara, that is sooo powerful, and lovely, and might I add incredibly attractive. There is so much hope in not just every word you say, but in your very actions.
Yes, it is possible we won't know right away...and if I understand you correctly, I share in your commitment to keep going with what we do have, give it time and patience if it is needed. I've said this before, and it is worth repeating...I never really thought I'd find someone like YOU. I hoped...of course I did. I hoped and even believed that about my ex-wife. And when I realized that was over, I wasn't dismayed...I still hoped and believed I'd find it the next time, but I still wasn't sure what that hope would look like in reality. But, now that it's here right in front of me, and I am now just beginning to understand how truly wonderful it is to have someone completely speak my "language", well I'd do anything to keep that and build on it. I would give it every chance you'd be willing to give me. I don't know if I will "know" immediately. To be honest, so much of me already tells me that I do know, I think that's why I'm so happy. But, I recognize that "final spark" that is sometimes found in that first meeting of the eyes or the exchange of a smile, may instead come for us over time and through true friendship. Maybe it won't be like lightening (which I admit sounds silly because so much of it has already been just that!). Well if that's the case, this beautiful relationship that has already been developed would be worth every ounce of time and patience either of us can afford!
I'm sorry if any of that seems confusing. I guess I'm just trying to let you into my thoughts. If I were to say it shorter, it would be this - I am already in love with you, and I have every belief/hope that meeting you will be equally if not more magical than everything I have experienced with you so far. If for some reason it is not like that....I am still confident it will be nothing short of wonderful...and I will still find room to take great joy in this great friendship for what it IS RIGHT NOW and know that it still may be something even more with time.
Okay, so how's that? :)
Oh goody...I just got your email. Let me just say that you are not alone. I already got a hair cut on Thursday, I plan on going shopping for some new clothes, maybe even some new shoes, and if you were coming to me I'd probably be finally buying a new vacuum because I know that no matter how good my sweeping may be, there are some areas that need a better cleaning than my broom. I'd probably need to go out and buy some art work to cover the walls that were left empty when we split our possessions...haha (my kitchen and bedroom are practically blank...though I kept some of my favorite pieces in the living room).
And I love that you take time out of what is an impossibly busy day to have over that woman you mentioned. If there is anyone that is able to touch her and help give her courage to move forward, it is you. Maybe you will be to her what my friend was to me (the one I called immediately that reassured me everything would be just fine, and God would help me either salvage my marriage or move forward with courage and hope). She is lucky to have you, and what a blessing for you to be able to share your faith and position with her. I love you for that.
I am really, truly, overwhelmingly excited to meet you. Dance away and sing along as loud as you can! I did it all the way home in my car!!! Oh, I can't help but mention that some of my female co-workers said I looked extra handsome today. They said maybe it was because I got a little sun or something, they weren't quite sure. I personally think it is because I am absolutely full of positive energy and hope and a love of life. Earlier this month some loneliness had crept in. But then I met you :) I feel like I've LIVED and enjoyed every day since. THANK YOU!
And yes, dear Mara, I will make sure that you go to bed when I do tonight. :) :)
Anything extra (or crazy) you did to impress your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend in the early days?! It's funny how we work so hard to make a good impression, when in reality we want to be loved, just as we are.
Check back on the blog for the Thursday afternoon edition.
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