Hiiii back!!! It is a great morning, and the start of what I think will be a wonderful and memorable week. This whole thing is absolutely precious, isn't it? You've mentioned a few times in some previous emails (and I believe I have too) how amazing it is that we get to know each other on this level, a level which arguably other couples never get. I love every bit of it, and I love that you do, too. I love that we both feel comfortable bearing our souls...yes there is a certain amount of vulnerability that comes with this, but the reward...the incredible joy at accepting and being accepted on this most intimate of levels is pure joy. Thank you, dear Mara...for although such openness is a natural part of who I am, I could never have done it at this level and at this time had you not so graciously extended your hand first. I am not surprised that such love and affection and respect would spawn from such openness and sincerity, and I cannot express how grateful I am that your kind heart continues to reach out to me still. Thank you!
Mara, it will be so wonderful to just see you and be in your presence...I don't care if there is some 30 min. or even a whole day of awkwardness (I don't think it will be that long, but even if it is...it won't matter). It will be a relief just to be there. And one other thing related to that video...I already felt this way before but it was as if the video confirmed it for me...if it is all right with you I'd like to wait to hear your voice until I can do so in person. So until then, emails and text (texting may be necessary when I'm on the bus only because it doesn't take the iPhone 15 minutes to realized something has been sent :), if that is okay with you.
Mara, I hope you had a great time in Chicago with your family…you are now most likely on your way to the airport. I send you great love and I wish you a safe return home and a wonderful day. My heart is full. I simply cannot wait to meet and embrace you and thank you in person. You will be in my thoughts.
Yes to no speaking! Haha. I have been relieved you have not asked for my number or started texting me (even though that will be great when the time comes.) We'll have plenty of time for that later. There is no need to rush it. Right now it is just so magical and perfect that I don't want to disrupt it and want to savor every minute of this wonder and excitement. And I'm afraid that a lot of our willingness to share it all may have been stifled if we had started talking earlier on. What we have done here is so beautiful, I wouldn't change a thing.
Danny, here we are, two people that should be so broken & ruined, but instead we are all the better because we’ve committed our lives to embracing the beauty of all that life has to offer, the good and the bad, and we’ve committed to living with more faith, hope, and love. And those ideals couldn't have come through any better for us. Can you imagine, Danny, if two people like us joined forces??? We wouldn't be just any mediocre couple.....we'd be pretty dang amazing!!! And being with each other would help take us to greater heights. Cause there's even MORE we could become and MORE progression we could experience. And how fitting that we could do that together.... wow! I want to dedicate my life to being the best I can be, and if I could have a partner like you, well, we'd be unstoppable. :)
Darn. I have to close. I'm on the plane and we're taking off very soon. There is so much more I want to say. For now, thank you for all your love and openness. It means so much, and I want to say "you have no idea" but I love that you DO have an idea of what this means.
I love that before I sleep or when I wake or before I fly or when I land, I think only of you.
Have a beautiful Sunday. I'm sad I'll be missing church. And while on that plane, I'll be missing you.
Regarding the potential for this partnership...that is one of the things I can't get out of my mind, we would indeed be unstoppable!!!!
When my wife left and I had to contemplate the future, I had already committed to myself to leave fear and doubt behind, but obviously it still finds its way into your life and mind and heart. But, if I had a true partner, lover, and friend, equally committed to becoming her very best....if I had you...well I can't hardly begin to imagine (and yet it is even the beginnings of my imaginations that have already brought me so much hope and joy)!
I think you will know what I mean when I say that before, there was no room in my marriage to confide in what were likely only temporary or circumstantial fears/doubts. So Mara, already in these divine emails, to share anxieties/fears and hopes/dreams, and to experience so much healing and deep satisfaction and confidence in what lies ahead, it has truly been nothing short of heaven sent. I don't want to just pretend there are no fears or doubts, I want a tender partner and lover who will let me lay them at her feet, and together conquer them. I look forward with great hope to a day when I am both a support, and am supported and lifted in kind, as I do the same for my wife.
Btw, I realized there is another Cat Stevens song you would absolutely love. It's called “Ready”…it's very celebratory of a certain emotion that seems to be an undercurrent of our recent conversations. If you don't have it, and you feel inclined to wait, I'd be happy to give you the entire album when I come this Friday.
Hope you had a great flight!
I'm home to NY, in a cab, and listening to "READY"!! I just love it. And oh my, this is sooooo perfectly fitting for both of us. You know, already we have quite a story. But if we really do end up together, well, we'll have to write a book!!! And love songs should be written after us :).
And now, before I get some things done, I wanted to respond to the best part of your email this morning.
I AM DYING TO BE THAT WOMAN FOR YOU!!!!!!!! The woman that you can confide in. That woman you can feel is your partner, NO MATTER WHAT. That woman that you can share your doubts and fears and anxieties with, without judgment.... only acceptance and support and admiration and more love than you would know what to do with. Danny, I love your heart. That's all that I need to just love you and accept you completely... the good, the bad, the handsome & dirty, the strong/ weak, the productive or lazy, the grown up or boyish. I seriously just want it ALL, because I know the man that you have been and the man that you want to be!!!!!!! And right now, there is nothing I want more.
So if you ever have moments of fear or doubt or inadequacy or anxiety (or smelly feet from your vans! hahaha!!!), well, that is completely normal (we are human, afterall) and I will just love you even more in those moments. And, by nature, I will cheer you on, as I already am your biggest fan and already think the world of you. And I will be the happiest woman alive to be that person that you could confide in. I WANT TO BE YOUR SOUL MATE as I am right now. And hopefully every day (because we know the desires of each other's hearts) we will be able to support each other and inspire each other to be the couple that we desire to be.
How, how, how, HOW on earth will I not kiss you? For even a day? It's so beautiful to me to desire to kiss you...cause it is for all the right reasons. Oh my, I hope that day comes.
Feeling a lot of love right now (can you tell?) I think I might burst!!! :)