27 February 2012

In Case You Think You're Not S-e-x-y....

Do some of you not exactly feel sexy??  And by that, I mean - - desirable, wanted, worthy!

I think it's safe to say that every person wants to feel that way.

And I also think a lot of women out there struggle with this in their marriages and sex lives.

I wasn't always in a place where I could feel desirable, wanted or worthy. 

But now that I have learned a thing or two,  I can't help but be bold and pass on some of my thoughts, in case any of this might be helpful.  Here goes...

I think one problem is that a lot of people *think* looking sexy is what would lead to more confidence or enjoyment in bed....or it's what would lead to feeling more desirable.

One might think - - - oh, if I could lose 20 lbs, then maybe I'd enjoy sex with my husband a little more.  Or if I could just get a boob job, I'd feel more confident in my body.  Or if I could just look like THAT woman, well, I would feel better about myself.  There are probably a million excuses why people put off a better sex life (or any sex life at all).....because they think it's related to their looks. 

Well, I'd like to suggest to women everywhere that we need to get this out of our heads, because it isn't true.

You could look airbrushed and tan out of a beach fashion shoot, but if you don't FEEL good about yourself, it just won't matter.  I know plenty of women who look like bombshells but they still don't feel sexy & confident.

So even though it may be hard for some to do, my wish for women everywhere is that we could not base our confidence & worth on waistlines & body types.   


Most men are wired to desire a woman.  We are desirable by our very natures!  *LET'S OWN IT!*  It's so sad that we don't.  It causes so much havoc in our brains...and between the sheets.  (And by the way, even if you're married to someone who is not in a healthy place in life & will never respond favorably to you no matter what you do, you can still tap into your own worth and have that confidence for yourself, regardless.)


Feeling good about yourself (as a woman) goes really, really far when it comes to having satisfying sex.  Feeling embarrassed or insecure or muddling your mind with negative thoughts about yourself before & during sex will not do you any good.  It leaves no room in your mind for the thoughts that lead to a real bond with your partner.

So how on earth does one feeeeel sexier if they just don't??  Well, I have a few ideas coming for you all!  I think this can be overcome!  I'll post a list of ideas around lunchtime....say 12:00 (ET) where I can share my ideas & you can share yours......cause I hope everyone can realize that you can, indeed, FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF GOING FORWARD!!!!!!  :)  :) And you don't have to get a boob job or lose 20 lbs or get a makeover to do so.


In the meantime, what do you guys think about this?  Do you think focusing on feeling good about yourself (separate from your looks) could improve your sex life?

(Photographer unknown)


  1. ABSOLUTELY! I have a sister in law who is very pretty. She is a bigger girl, but carries it so well because she is confident. I think she is SO SEXY even though she is bigger. I have a very critical view of my body. I am athletic, and fit (I was, right now I am a chunky pregnant woman who could really use feeling sexy right now). Even when I'm at my fittest, I still have serious insecurities. I know it's an issue, and I envy my sister in law more than she could ever know. I look forward to the next post. This is a subject I've been thinking about a lot lately!

  2. yes, yes, yes! can't wait to read your next post!

  3. I love this perspective on sexy. Man, the power of beliefs is amazing- ever since I started changing me beliefs about myself, my body image has soared. I'm 20+ heavier than usual and yet I feel more sexy now than in the past!

  4. Thank you for this post, I have a good story about this and I hope you don't mind if I share. I had real issues about my body after having 4 children. My waistline looked more like an inner tube and stretch marks galore so I decided to have a tummy tuck. My husband told me over and over that I was beautiful just the way I was but I still didn't FEEL beautiful. After my surgery I came home and was OK for the first 24 hours but by 30 hours I was unresponsive - I was rushed to the ER and admitted into I.C.U. Long story short I nearly died from loss of blood and MRSA staff infection. For the first day the Doctors didn't know if I would survive. I just kept thinking I was a stupid women, how could I leave my children without a mother. How could I risk leaving my husband to raise our children alone. I was going to miss everything. I spent a long and hard 3 months recovering. The first time I was intimate with my husband - it was magical. I was so grateful to have a healthy working body again. This experience taught me to love my body - just the way it is. It was an awakening to not believe the lies that the media creates for women. I don't think about "does this dress make me look fat" anymore - those thoughts are out of my head. I thank the Lord for a second chance. Now I take care of my body - I eat good food and stay active so I can stay HEALTHY.

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