A reader wrote in & let me know that she feels stuck in her relationship. She knows she should leave him, but she is having a hard time making it happen. My heart truly goes out to her. And to ANYONE who finds themselves feeling stuck for any sort of reason.
This was some of my advice to her….
Think with all your might about the best kind of man that you would want to be with and the best kind of marriage and motherhood that you would want. And once that is clearly defined, hold onto that vision for dear life!!! Envision yourself having that life and being that woman. Your life will automatically start going towards that desired path. And your gut will let you know if this guy fits into that picture or not. TRUST YOUR GUT! Do not ignore it. Just keep envisioning the life you want, and it will become more and more clear what you need to do in regards to your relationship.
I really think one of the biggest issues for single people is….they have not strongly defined what they want!!! And so they end up with any guy that comes along that pays attention to them. The boyfriend (or girlfriend) could be unloving, self-centered, not capable of handling their problems well, controlling, verbally or physically abusive, and have every red flag, yet you might just go along with it if you get attached because you don’t have your sights on anything greater. I’m telling you, I’ve seen each of these happen to the BEST of the best women. And I’ve seen it happen to me.
So, if you are single, I am literally begging you to think hard and decide very adamantly what kind of life and marriage you want and what kind of good character qualities you want in your spouse. DO NOT SELL YOURSELF SHORT.
WRITE it all down and plan on it happening. And THEN, for this to work, you MUST also work on living up to the kind of woman that would fit into that scenario. It cannot be one-sided. The best marriages are NEVER one-sided!! Refer to your list often to reassess how you are doing and keep making personal changes, as necessary, little by little. If you want a man who speaks lovingly & uplifts people, think about whether or not you tend to gossip, speak negatively about others, or see flaws, etc. If you want a man who is financially responsible, think about how you handle your own finances. If you want man who has a strong foundation, think about what are you doing to anchor yourself. The idea here is that light is attracted to light; and light recognizes light. So, the better you are at developing your own good character, the quicker you are at recognizing that good character in others.
Make these priorities the blueprint for your relationships and your decisions. If you do this, you will have the strength and wisdom to not stay with someone who doesn’t fit into your vision of what you want for yourself. And some really good news….Eventually your path will likely align with someone who IS walking parallel to you. And it should be very easy to recognize. And the decision to marry that person should be the easiest, most joyful thing you ever do.
GOOD LUCK TO ALL – THERE IS SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO!