Anyone who knew me in high school, college or during my first 6 years of my 7 year marriage knows that I am not the same woman I was back then. People say I even look different and those that knew me before and after know what I am talking about. Even my downstairs neighbor of 6 years in Brooklyn (whom I hardly see) recently told me that a few years ago, she could tell when my life changed for the better because I just looked happier & more radiant.
This photo is one of my favorite photos, simply because it was taken near the time that my life changed for the better. I’ll never forget that time because of the feeling of peace that I had, despite my circumstances. This was in 2008, maybe a month before my first husband decided to leave. I had been through years of feeling off and on rejection by him and also had just been through the first 2 years of infertility. But by the time this photo was taken, my enlightenment had fully begun! It had been in full force for awhile now! Can you tell how happy and at peace I was, despite my circumstances? I WAS! Really and truly!!
So what caused the change in my countenance in the year prior to my divorce & how did it remain strong during & after the divorce??
I tapped into my true identity.
HEAR ME OUT…… 🙂
I finally realized that my truest & deepest identity was not a rejected wife. It was not a woman that could not yet bear children. It was not a woman who was unloved & who felt worthless. It was not a woman who could barely feel comfortable in public because I felt so much disapproval. It was not a woman who felt I had nothing to offer. It was not a woman living in Brooklyn, working away at my job. These were the things I HAD been identifying with until then. As mentioned in a previous post, much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy!! When these things were my identity, there was no way out of pain. There was no joy. There was no hope. There was no beauty.
The new identity I finally embraced for the first time trumped every other identity I had ever attached to. It had a name that was familiar to me, and probably to you.
I am a divine woman, a daughter of God.
I had heard this my entire life, but the words had become so commonplace that they were nothing more than a pleasant sounding cliche & didn’t really have any transformative meaning.
But when everything had been stripped from me, I realized the power in that identity. Because it was all I had. Yet I found that it was more than enough….more than I ever could have imagined.
Being a daughter of God means you are ALREADY empowered to face ALL your trials. It means you can have love & joy & peace & wholeness deep, deep down in your heart, no matter what your crappy circumstances are. You don’t have to wait for these good things to come to you – – – you are already the possessor of them by your very nature!!! Once you know your identity as a divine woman (or man), nothing can take that light away from you. Nothing can take away your feeling of security. Nothing can take away the fact that you have a divine purpose here. And if THAT isn’t beautiful, I don’t know what is. Knowing this will literally transform your life – – even the way you look on the outside. It is the best way I know of to have physical beauty.
Getting to this place was a huge thing for me to do. You see, my former husband was not attracted to me and told me so many times over the years of our marriage (thus the very dim countenance that I had for so long, due to my identity as his unattractive wife). Once I tapped into who I really was as a divine woman of God, I realized there was nothing he could say or do that could change that. His disapproval didn’t have to ruin me. I knew I had an innate power to heal from the hurt and negative emotions I had been feeling for years. When I finally owned this divine identity, I felt more empowered & beautiful than I ever had in my life. This feeling did not miss a beat, even when my husband made plans to leave. Yes, I was heartbroken beyond belief. But by then I also knew that I could remain whole during that time. I knew that being a daughter of God meant that I had the power & strength I needed to face that divorce. It gave me all the confidence I needed. The peace & happiness on my face says it all.
Sending love to you all,
P.S. Many of you dear readers have asked HOW did you make changes, HOW did you develop spirituality or happiness…..HOW did you begin?? It all started here. Identity. We all choose a positive or a negative identity every single day. The best & worst part is….depending on which one you choose, that’s exactly who you will become – every time.
(Photo taken in my home by a friend & photographer, Chris Lindsay.)