|This is some graffiti art in Park Slope. One of these tags used to be across the street from my apt. Photos of us, above, by photographer, Saydi Eyre Shumway.|
OK, I'll be pouring my heart out to you on this one, because....
This was the biggest wake-up call of my life...(and I share this with hopes that it can help you.)
Back in the day (when I was married to my first husband), I wanted a baby because of the so called "love" that I had in my heart for my unborn children or for my husband. All that "loooove" & desire & nurturing instinct that I felt was so "strong" that when I wasn't able to have a child, the disappointment made me feel hopeless, depressed, unhappy, miserable, worried, & so sad. Oh, the drama! Ha! Believe it or not, I never saw where I was going wrong here. I thought my behavior was NORMAL. In fact, every one I knew thought it was normal, too. I actually would have thought then that my sadness was actually even a display of my love for my husband and unborn children! Hahaha. Oh my. How wrong I was.
Well, I was lucky enough to have a wise woman (my acupuncturist) point out to me, that REACTING IN A NEGATIVE WAY IS NOT HOW TO SHOW LOVE!!! It's called dysfunction. Oh man, this kicked me in the butt. You see, if you are reacting negatively and with so much misery & drama, you are actually poisoning the world around you - including the world of your spouse and children. That's such an awful thing to do to someone! Especially to someone that you claim you love.
The BEST KIND of love requires that you think more of someone else's needs instead of dwelling in your own misery & selfishly bringing everyone down with you. So even if your spouse is doing anything from being short with you to cheating on you, instead of biting back and being just as dysfunctional & spewing all that poison around, remain still. And in those trying moments, out of REAL love for them, you are actually able to think of their needs instead of your own, and you can actually help them, as they clearly need it. This made so much sense to me! When I figured this out, I was shocked. I had totally misunderstood what it means to truly show love to someone. Immediately I wanted to adjust my ways. And I did. It was hard at first. But I did it deliberately. And I haven't stopped doing it since.