13 June 2012
Kicking Clomid in the Butt
[This was from my gmail journal from just before I started the blog. I used to record thoughts in my gmail with the subject "Journal". I recently I remembered that I did that & thought I'd do a search to see what I could find. The beginning of this excerpt was hard for me to read. I was drugged with clomid at the time, so I do not think my emotions were normal. BUT, I thought I'd share it with you to show an example of what can happen when you choose to be aware and choose to turn things around. And as you can see, I kicked clomid in the butt.]
"Today I had someone send harm my way (again). Today I actually felt hate for that human being for a few moments (oh, dear). Today I found out I wasn't pregnant. Today I was taken advantage of by the awful red tape of the medical system & was made to go from office to office all over Manhattan, paying for visits & tests & cabs, only to find out none of it was necessary. Today I was told I have to delay my fertility treatments for four months, due to that red tape. Today I cried. Twice. Yes, I have had some rough moments. But within the hour of this perfect storm, I am breathing normally & calmly. This is a miracle to me. A MIRACLE. I am amazed that no matter what comes my way, I always have a choice. I can decide where I want my heart to be. I decided to let it all go. I have to write this down because I am even smiling in this moment. My heart is calm. It really, really is. All is well!! I am full of love and forgiveness for those that have harmed me. I am at peace with the medical system as there is nothing I can do about it's flaws and despite them it still does bless lives. I am grateful for all that I have. I am grateful to have a loving husband waiting for me at home. I know that all of the crap of the day PALES to the importance of having joy (liberation) in this life!!!"
I am so glad that these little trials come to me & that I can feel how real my divine strength is & how possible it is for me to turn things around, again & again & again...as many times as I need to or want to. It is amazing to see right before my eyes the physical & emotional changes that I am capable of. THEY ARE SO REAL!!!
For 30 years or so I didn't bother changing my perspective if a bad day came my way. I didn't know it was possible, didn't know my potential, didn't know how it could be done. I didn't believe that people actually had control over this. But a few years ago when my circumstances got bad enough - and when everything that mattered most to me in my life was stripped from me - I got really desperate. Somehow I had it in me to just go for it and give it a real try and see for myself what it was all about (I had nothing to lose!!)....and it turns out that it worked. It was the most empowering thing I've ever done in my life. It helped me to heal the hurt that I had been feeling for years and years. And it continues to help me every single day of my life now, in every single unpleasant/even awful circumstance that I continue to face in life, as we all do.
How are you guys doing with stuff coming your way? Are they any great little triumphs to share?
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