Well, this isn't the first time I've desired to give birth. :)
The first time was with a baby in mind.
This time it's with the desire to serve the world in the most meaningful way I can.
And shoot, I guess I have high standards for myself and big dreams for how I'd love to do that.
I'll just put the full desire out there: I would love to continue this work forever. Because I freaking love what I do. I mean, to connect with all of you, to feel community, to all work together to heal ourselves and bring that healing to our families and the world by loving in healthier ways. Not to mention, um, hanging out with so many of you in the Andes and around the U.S.!! Well, there is still nothing better to me. It has been beyond extraordinary - an experience of a lifetime.
But to continue it all, I needed to keep creating more and more. I needed to figure out ways for this effort be self-sustaining financially. (Because otherwise it would be time to get a full-time job, which obviously would dominate my time.)
It hasn't been easy making this happen. Maybe it sounds like it would be easy? But it hasn't been. Not at all.
In fact, I feel like I've figuratively been in labor for at least a year. :) This may have been harder than infertility!
OK, so what I want to say is this:
No matter what we want to give birth to, the more we want it and the more our worth is attached to it...
the more we will live with fear and anguish;
the more we will sabotage our lives and our health.
That is the truth, right?
And well, you could say I've been tasting that fear and anguish for awhile as we've faced many roadblocks in the last year.
And so I've had to <work> more than ever to accept what has unfolded (namely delays galore). I've had to <work> to surrender, surrender, surrender - including this entire meaningful endeavor, if necessary.
In other words, I've had to wrap my head around the idea that I could, indeed, be well and valuable and happy WITH OR WITHOUT this work continuing; WITH OR WITHOUT being able to host even one more retreat.
(Kind of like with or without a baby or with or without a husband...)
Only then can I stop sabotaging what I desire to give birth to.
Only then can the very thing I desire for myself come to pass.
Only then can it thrive.
This process of surrendering is the great work of my life.
This is the reason I blog and host retreats.
And, ok, some really cool news that has come out of all of this:
We are, indeed, moving this endeavor forward with a gusto.
With All My Love,
Tell me, are you working to "give birth" to anything at the moment? Can you identify if your worth is totally attached to this outcome - and how is that going? Share below, if you'd like, or just think on it.
P.S. If you would love to learn HOW to surrender something, our free 10-Day email series (which includes a video class and meditation), will be SO HELPFUL for you! You'll need to be on our email list to receive it. But you can sign up on our current sidebar. XOXO
(Photo is the door and gate outside our knitting co-op in Ecuador.)